the way it looks from here
you see, the way it looks from here, i said, into the sunny windows, there’s no one around. there’s no one about. we have the whole world to ourselves, and still it’s just me. and you, library. i’ll talk to you like a dear old friend if i want. i work here. i do things. i shelve books. or, at least, i shelve books when there is no one else to shelve books, since i am doing other things. i do things. i am older than the kids who shelve books; i was once the kid who shelved books. sometimes i shelve books. there’s more to a library than shelving books, library. you know that. the watercolors in the lobby are like postage stamps from 1950: i won’t ever go to those places, not even when i get there. they say ansel adams...
Read Moresparrow
It was me and the bird. Me, the bird, and a box. Me, the bird, a box, and some wadded up paper towels. I was never good at this sort of thing. Before my parents split up, we buried my cat Percy out back, covered her grave with half-bricks and planted pussywillows over it. She was in a brown bag; I kept her collar. I still have it. Percy, you weren’t easy to bury. I still can’t imagine you gone. You’re still asleep on top of the china cabinet in the dining-room, beside the table I knocked my head on. I still have that dent on my skull and I still have you. Dead animals bring me a certain sad peace. I can hold a bird I wouldn’t normally be able to touch. They go so fast, and are mistrustful of our large, angry branch-fingers. My...
Read Morethe truth is out where
I have a button that says, “I was uncool before uncool was cool.” I should have a button that says, “I was paranoid before Mulder was paranoid.” Verizon today informed Chad that there was an unexplained command deletion on our pending DSL order, scheduled for today. We won’t know who or why until Monday, and it has temporarily been rescheduled for the 29th … of October. This happened once before, in our first apartment in the Bay Area, with a different company altogether. The scheduled installation day rolled around, no one showed up or called, and we had to track someone down only to find out that someone had cancelled our order, with no explanation. I know why, though. They don’t want me online.
Read Morenever could get the hang of thursdays
Some of you know I legally, physically, spiritually, whatever-ly changed my name several years ago. I recommend it, if you’ve been thinking of doing it yourself. However, now that my nickname, “‘Sted”, has propagated throughout my circle of friends and acquaintances, I’m getting pangs. Yes, pangs. “I want a new nickname” pangs. Surely those pangs exist? Even if they don’t, I have them. I like “‘Sted” but I want a new nickname. It can be a second-string nickname, just as long as it gets to stretch its syllables every once in a while. So far, I like “Thursday” but I am open to suggestions. “Thursday Bernard” has a really nice ring to it, and is meaningful too. Feel...
Read Morechuck berris
Let’s change the subject, just for a little while. Let’s talk about my favorite band ever, They Might Be Giants. Let’s talk about the fact that I’m going to see them live in concert tonight in downtown San Francisco! They are marvelous in the studio and on the stage. The last TMBG show I saw was in September of ’99, also at the Warfield. (I enjoyed this review of that show almost as much as the show itself.) I went with David, who is also going tonight, along with two of my other friends. After work, I’ll hop on Golden Gate Transit and sneak in a short nap to recharge. I’m really looking forward to it. Er, the show, not the nap. Well, the nap too. I’m getting old. I wonder if they’ll do their cover of...
Read Morestop, look and listen
stop, look, and listen before you cross the street; use your eyes, use your ears, and then you use your feet. My parents taught me this rhyme when I was very small, and at the risk of sounding like one of those $13.95 gift books at Borders, I pass it along to you. It’s as true today as it ever was, except we’re not just crossing the street: we’re crossing an ocean and we’re doing it with weapons. I want you to know what we did — what we did — in Afghanistan first. You should first read what our government has written, in this 2000 report on human rights practices. And then you want to go back a few years, and read about communism and civil war in Afghanistan. Perhaps you want to go even further back, but you complain that...
Read Morethe ignorant child
Family and friends: I think we’re all overloaded. I am, I know. I still haven’t finished processing what’s happened, and what this means for the country and the world. Others in the Bay Area are done grieving and are ready for war. Of course, there are the signs blanketing San Francisco proclaiming it a “Hate-Free Zone” (complete with large block-letter HATE with the international “NO” symbol striking through it) in response to the consequent backlash to Muslim Americans and Afghan-Americans. Practically every place of worship and public meeting place has held a candlelight vigil for the victims of the attack. And in general, there has been a gently tense mood, as if the way everyone says hello is tempered with the...
Read Moresurvivor
My second cousin, Pat, is one of the funniest, most genuine people in the world. One of my favorite family stories to tell involves how he had a costume specially made in a tailor’s in downtown Birmingham, Alabama to be in garb for my wedding. We have a lot of stories like that about Pat. He’s just that kind of person. Pat is also a survivor of the attack on the World Trade Center. “After the crash, and amid the screaming, he started to pray out loud. ‘I said, “Jesus save me and these two guys with me.” Neither one of them complained.’”
Read Morethe current situation
I am exhausted in every way, and you will still find no words of retribution here. The recent attacks on Muslim Americans have proven that violence and revenge accomplish nothing but more suffering. And rushing off to war? Do any of us truly believe our brand of violence is so advanced that it ensures only the guilty parties are killed? Instead of discussing retribution, why don’t we consider how we got to this point? Can we see ourselves as others see us? Can we at least try? I’m disappointed and dismayed about what has happened, but I cannot sponsor the short-sightedness of an immediate campaign for more violence and destruction. If what matters most to you is a brief period of “got you back!” then clearly you should not be reading...
Read Morethe aftermath
Last night, I went to bed and wrote in my journal, trying to record all of my thoughts and feelings about what had happened on Tuesday. Chad came to bed and soon after that one of the neighborhood cats was taunting Zen through the sliding-glass door, so we were woken out of half-sleep by howling and hissing sounds. After an unsuccessful attempt to close Zen out of the bedroom (she just pawed and pawed at the door, making enough racket to keep us both awake) we let her back in, and the neighborhood cat was gone. Before long, Zen was curled up next to me and fast asleep. I, on the other hand, slept mere minutes. I experienced multiple nightmares, some of them thankfully forgotten by now, some of them etched permanently into my psyche. Several times I bolted...
Read MoreNestcam
The cam was last on Friday, May 4.
Hello What
I am Halsted, a/k/a cygnoir, and I do stuff with words.
My favourite things to do with words are keeping this diary, writing stories, and organising information.
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Tenacious D
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Tenacious D
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Tenacious D
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