I am panicking, I know, but I feel like everyone hates me because I am divorcing. I feel awful enough about my marriage not working out, but this additional paranoia makes it unbearable.
I have worse thoughts, not often, but sometimes. I don’t think I have to tell you what they are. (No, I wouldn’t really do it, and no, I don’t need to be on medication. They’re just thoughts.)
I have great friends; this is not a complaint about them. This is a complaint about my own brain, that sometimes, no matter how much I am reassured, I am certain that everyone now hates me, or at least likes me less than they used to.
Yesterday I was so upset and barely in control that I thought about breaking things or hurting someone, at length, and over and over. I really wanted to. I hate that impulse, and sometimes I hate myself.
And this from the girl who seems to have it all “together” — it’s a big fucking lie. Just so you know.
