cheese danish and winter mist

Huddled in layers of black clothing, I hoard what will be my last high-speed connection to the Interweb[1] from a quaintly-decorated hotel room near the Columbus, Ohio airport. When I say “quaint”, I mean “disturbingly lifelike”, much like those authentic replica dolls you see for sale on QVC, the ones that are supposed to be female children but are dressed in evening gowns, lacking cleavage. It’s that sort of quaint. The Country Inns and Suites green should appeal to me: it is that generic medium forest green, benign and clean. Instead it becomes the painted decolletage of authentic replica dolls. And an hour later, I’m still waking up, hungover from the faux Lauren-style comforter and drapes. Today we set off for the...

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Posted on 28 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

say what your soul sings to you

Once again, it’s the night before a trip back east, and I have yet to pack or finish cleaning the apartment. How many times I have been here! But tonight, it’s all good. I feel rushed, but happy. Brina will be looking in on Zen, so I’m not worried about her, which is a huge relief. I get to see my dad and my family. And when I come back, I come back to a beautiful, blossoming life, filled with things I am so very thankful for … every day of the year. Don’t be afraid Open your mouth to say Say what your soul sings to you Your mind can never change Unless you ask it to Lovingly rearrange The thoughts that make you blue The things that bring you down Will mean no harm to you And so make your choice joy The joy belongs to you And...

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Posted on 26 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

beyond borders of skin

A poetry break, thanks to DC, who sent the following poem to me. I’m looking forward to writing some of my own over the holiday. The Thief What is it when your man sits on the floor in sweatpants, his latest project set out in front of him like a small world, maps and photographs, diagrams and plans, everything he hopes to build, invent or create, and you believe in him as you always have, even after the failures, even more now as you set your coffee down and move toward him, to where he sits oblivious of you, concentrating in a square of sun – you step over the rulers and blue graph-paper to squat behind him, and he barely notices, though you’re still in your robe which falls open a little as you reach around his chest, feel for the pink wheel...

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Posted on 26 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

drunken cleaning fiesta 2003

Of course, my apartment had to get This Bad for me to actually tackle the issue of cleaning it. It’s not dirty, just untidy as hell, as if a small tortoiseshell cat had systematically knocked over every single organizational pile of papers and books I had ever laid out. Hmm, wait … So I picked up a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck from Trader Joe’s and have dedicated this evening to getting thoroughly ripped while watching a maudlin flick and cleaning the shit out of this place. O yeah: the webcam is on too. I think this should be one of my more amusing exercises in stupidity. Maybe I’ll actually get it to a point where I let people come visit. So far, only Brina, Scott and FunkyPlaid have ever seen the interior, and I’ve been here a year...

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Posted on 24 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

and we’ll race to the bottom of a glass

I’d always thought it was cheesy when someone said to me, “They’re more than my favorite band; they define part of who I am.” Not anymore. I don’t want to change your mind I don’t want to think about your mind They say love is blind I don’t think you’re blind You don’t want to understand And I don’t want to shake your father’s hand And walk in the sand And act like a man I get on the bus And ride past our stop And though I’m late I can’t get off I just can’t bear to tell you some lies And narrow your eyes Narrow your eyes We’ll take back everything we said Split up all the things and move ahead Forgot how you said We’ll split the side off the bed I get on my bike Ride...

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Posted on 24 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

you breathe life over me

There is something extremely enthralling about a sexy, sweet song with the word “porn” in it. I lie awake I’ve gone to ground I’m watching porn In my hotel dressing gown Now I dream of you But I still believe There’s only enough for one in this Lonely hotel suite The journey’s long And it feels so bad I’m thinking back to the last day we had Old moon fades into the new Soon I know I’ll be back with you I’m nearly with you I’m nearly with you When I’m weak I draw strength from you And when you’re lost I know how to change your mood And when I’m down you breathe life over me Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny On a clear day I’ll fly home to...

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Posted on 22 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

no more drama

As you might have ascertained from hints here and there, things with the MSG are proceeding apace, and in a wonderful, relaxed, and genuine way. I say “things” and realize that is vague, but I’m not sure how to describe it otherwise. We have been out on ten dates now, and I feel like each time we see each other, it gets better and better. Neither one of us is dating anyone else, and neither one wants to. I don’t know that that means we are “exclusively dating” at this point, or if we are about to enter what could be called a “relationship” — I just don’t know. I suppose there is more talking to be done on the subject, but for now, I am happy with where it stands. Very, very happy. I’ve never...

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Posted on 21 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

thursday is the new friday

I owe (funny concept, that) you all my recap of the event in Tucson last weekend, but it’s nearly the weekly Hour of Happiness, which I cannot miss. After that, I am driving into the City to see “Shattered Glass” with Brina, David, and the MSG. Soon I shall catch everything up, but not now. Highlights of this week: losing my martini virginity alongside a wonderful French dish involving lamb, oranges, bacon, and a bajillion other nummy things seeing a slightly disturbing French film called “Seul contre tous” eradicating Zen of the fleas that hatched while I was away, thanks to Brina’s help conducting part of the student assistant training session because both employees who were supposed to hold the training had to rush around...

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Posted on 20 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

re-IRC

Hey, stefcam and ‘stedcam fans: do you remember the good old days of the IRC channel #ste.cam? That channel is no more, but I encourage you to visit #nestcam on Blitzed. There’s a Java applet, if you prefer to connect that way. You don’t even have to watch the nestcam to chat. (Especially not right at this moment, since I forgot to turn it back on. Oops.)

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Posted on 20 Nov 2003 | Comments Off

un, re

Rob Brezsny, you wound me: PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I’ve finally got my relationship problem figured out,” wrote Melinda, a reader from Philadelphia. “It has been a lifelong, insidious misunderstanding of what I’m entitled to, combined with a fear of abandonment that has made me grab onto the wrong companions.” I bring this testimony to your attention, Pisces, because I think it resonates with realizations you’re ready for. The coming months will be a favorable time for you to discern the hidden karma that has been keeping you from getting the love you want. A good way to begin your search will be to take inventory of your fear of abandonment and your misunderstanding of what you’re entitled to. Yes. Yes. A...

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Posted on 19 Nov 2003 | Comments Off