babysitting the college students

I think the memo I just composed speaks for itself.

Dear student assistants:

A few weeks ago, I discovered a plethora of prurient pop-up windows on the front-side circulation workstation. Being no Internet neophyte, I realized this meant that the workstation was being used for more than work activities — and, in this case, for activities that are completely unacceptable in the workplace.

As I was examining this workstation, I also found that someone had installed Yahoo! Toolbar, Yahoo! Messenger, WeatherBug, and AOL Instant Messenger. Needless to say, these are also unacceptable uses of the circulation workstations.

If I was unclear before, I apologize. Let me be perfectly clear now. These workstations do not belong to you. You do not have my permission to install anything on these workstations. Please note the word I am using: workstations. That means they are used for work, and your work is comprised of running this circulation desk, not instant messaging or downloading porn.

I have uninstalled all irrelevant software from these workstations. If you install software on these workstations in the future, the consequence will be the loss of your work-study job.

If anything in this letter is unclear, make an appointment with me to discuss it.

Sincerely,
YOUR BABYSITTER.

Okay, I didn’t sign it that way, but I should have.