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my own personal fear factor

my handmade curtainI made a curtain.

I made a curtain!

Yes, I’m feeling just a little bit proud of myself at the moment.

It is not a perfect curtain. It is not even a nice curtain. But it is a curtain that fits my window that will hang on a curtain rod and block light from entering my room.

The class wasn’t too bad. First of all, I was listening to Equinox (my iPod) as I walked to class and “Dragostea din Tei” came on unexpectedly. It made me laugh. A lot. So there I am, laughing and walking down Market, and how am I expected to continue a sense of trepidation when I’m in a gorgeous place listening to the numa numa? I survived three and a half years in Birmingham, Alabama; I could certainly handle this. So I took a deep breath, walked inside, and remembered all the internal and external pep talks I’ve had on this subject. Enjoy yourself. Ask for help when you need it. You will make mistakes, so don’t waste energy trying to avoid making them.

And it worked. I carefully followed the instructions, reading and re-reading them, and I asked for help. I now can chalk a straight line, even if I can’t sew one. I now can backtack, even though I forgot to once and that seam will probably unravel if I breathe on it. And, most importantly, I now have a curtain.

We won’t discuss the second naked window in my room, no we will not.

One of my goals for 2005 is to try one new thing each month. The purpose of this is twofold. First of all, I need to get out of my comfort zone more often, because it helps me learn and grow. Secondly, I need to stop avoiding failure because it prevents me from trying new things in fear I won’t immediately succeed. Avoidance, to me, is merely a complex form of laziness, and I’m trying to eradicate it from my life.

So what should I do next month? I have a few ideas, but I’m curious to hear your suggestions. Please keep in mind that my new adventure should be legal and non-fatal. Well, at least, not intentionally fatal. My known limitations are:

  • I am claustrophobic, but I will consider things that involve confronting it.

  • I love to swim but I am not good at it yet because I just learned how. Factor this into any water-related suggestions.
  • I really, really, really do not like to pee outside.
  • I don’t have a ton of extra cash to spend on equipment, supplies, costumes, sterile bandages, or protective eyewear.
  • I don’t get naked around people who aren’t the MSG.

As an incentive, the person who submits the winning suggestion will receive a personally-crafted mix CD from me. I will be accepting suggestions as comments to this entry until Tuesday, 1 February. Bring it!

(LiveJournal users, please note that you must leave comments on cygnoir.net, not on LiveJournal, for me to see them.)

  • http://accesscom.com/~darius Darius

    Yay for the curtain!

    How about learning to program?

  • http://accesscom.com/~darius Darius

    Yay for the curtain!

    How about learning to program?

  • Uriel

    I’d say we should take a trip to the santa cruz boardwalk and go swim in the ocean. but it’s TOO COLD for that right now :)

  • Uriel

    I’d say we should take a trip to the santa cruz boardwalk and go swim in the ocean. but it’s TOO COLD for that right now :)

  • Ryan

    Aw man, all my ideas involve getting naked.

  • Ryan

    Aw man, all my ideas involve getting naked.

  • http://www.fallingman.co.uk fallingman

    I think I’ve checked, and you don’t play a musical instrument ? Start with something simple like a kazoo, or recorder (a straightforward but melodic and pleasant sounding instrument)(in fact, the reverse in some ways of the former !), or acoustic guitar, etc. ?

    Perhaps you could add a different instrument every few months, and become your very own TMBG tribute band ?

    “Do, do, do let’s start…”

  • http://www.fallingman.co.uk fallingman

    I think I’ve checked, and you don’t play a musical instrument ? Start with something simple like a kazoo, or recorder (a straightforward but melodic and pleasant sounding instrument)(in fact, the reverse in some ways of the former !), or acoustic guitar, etc. ?

    Perhaps you could add a different instrument every few months, and become your very own TMBG tribute band ?

    “Do, do, do let’s start…”

  • http://passions.nu Johanka

    It’s quite a challenge just trying to come up with something… All I can think of involves a lot of money, unfortunately.
    Like travelling to a place in Europe you haven’t been yet and meeting Johanka. :-)

  • http://passions.nu Johanka

    It’s quite a challenge just trying to come up with something… All I can think of involves a lot of money, unfortunately.
    Like travelling to a place in Europe you haven’t been yet and meeting Johanka. :-)

  • cirocco

    How awesome is it to live in San Francisco with a violet tie-dyed hand-sewn curtain?

    My suggestions for personal challenges:

    - scale a climbing wall, if you’ve never done so
    - following fallingman’s suggestion, learn to play the harmonica. Klutz books has a good starter guide.
    - learn a new karaoke song and perform it
    - write a fake crank letter, e.g. a missive to Franco-American complaining that all your Spaghetti-Os were not of equal diameters
    - tell a perfect stranger whose outfit you like that you like her outfit

  • cirocco

    How awesome is it to live in San Francisco with a violet tie-dyed hand-sewn curtain?

    My suggestions for personal challenges:

    - scale a climbing wall, if you’ve never done so
    - following fallingman’s suggestion, learn to play the harmonica. Klutz books has a good starter guide.
    - learn a new karaoke song and perform it
    - write a fake crank letter, e.g. a missive to Franco-American complaining that all your Spaghetti-Os were not of equal diameters
    - tell a perfect stranger whose outfit you like that you like her outfit

  • J. Steinhoff

    Go Sted – make a curtain…
    Go Sted – make a curtain…
    Go Sted – make a curtain…
    Go Sted – make a curtain…

    (does the cabbagepatch)

    Hmmm – A Halsted Fear Factor. Well, every good episode (and absolutely all of the bad ones) have three challenges to them. So, instead of one challenge for next month, here are the THREE challenges for you to conquer:

    1) You are going to have a dinner party where you will serve at least 26 different items. You must have something to offer that starts with a different letter of the alphabet. From the asparagus to the zwibeck, from apples to Zima, there are tons of choices to select from.

    2) You are going to find a nice college styled pub or tavern, and you are going to enter a karaoke contest. You will get extra points if it is a contest that requires you to come back and compete in weekly rounds.

    3) You are going to introduce yourself to 13 strangers in a single day, and you will tell us their name, where they are from and their favorite drink on this site. AND, it has to be done from first introduction to posting all 13 entries on this site in 24 hours or less.

    You will be judged for costumes, attitude, and raw chutzpah. The Sted who completes all three of these items and has the highest point total will win a special prize from the judges.

    Well… you up for the game, girl? – J.

  • J. Steinhoff

    Go Sted – make a curtain…
    Go Sted – make a curtain…
    Go Sted – make a curtain…
    Go Sted – make a curtain…

    (does the cabbagepatch)

    Hmmm – A Halsted Fear Factor. Well, every good episode (and absolutely all of the bad ones) have three challenges to them. So, instead of one challenge for next month, here are the THREE challenges for you to conquer:

    1) You are going to have a dinner party where you will serve at least 26 different items. You must have something to offer that starts with a different letter of the alphabet. From the asparagus to the zwibeck, from apples to Zima, there are tons of choices to select from.

    2) You are going to find a nice college styled pub or tavern, and you are going to enter a karaoke contest. You will get extra points if it is a contest that requires you to come back and compete in weekly rounds.

    3) You are going to introduce yourself to 13 strangers in a single day, and you will tell us their name, where they are from and their favorite drink on this site. AND, it has to be done from first introduction to posting all 13 entries on this site in 24 hours or less.

    You will be judged for costumes, attitude, and raw chutzpah. The Sted who completes all three of these items and has the highest point total will win a special prize from the judges.

    Well… you up for the game, girl? – J.

  • rebecca

    With the recent resurrection of my digicam has come the corresponding fear I have of taking pictures in public. I go “ooh, great pic!” and then get all nervous and klutzy and never take the picture because I’m afraid of what people might be thinking (who does she think she’s kidding, trying to look all photographer-like with that silly little digicam??) or wanting to take pictures of ACTUAL PEOPLE and being too afraid to approach them (just a variant of the former). So if it were e, I would do the photog-fear-factor: take that cute little digicam and thrust it in the faces of strangers. Thankfully, it’s not my fear-factor project. Phew. :)

    So happy to hear you came to a detente with the sewing monster. Yay for a curtain! Though I still think a knitted curtain would be very fun to make. Hm… what size is your other window?

  • rebecca

    With the recent resurrection of my digicam has come the corresponding fear I have of taking pictures in public. I go “ooh, great pic!” and then get all nervous and klutzy and never take the picture because I’m afraid of what people might be thinking (who does she think she’s kidding, trying to look all photographer-like with that silly little digicam??) or wanting to take pictures of ACTUAL PEOPLE and being too afraid to approach them (just a variant of the former). So if it were e, I would do the photog-fear-factor: take that cute little digicam and thrust it in the faces of strangers. Thankfully, it’s not my fear-factor project. Phew. :)

    So happy to hear you came to a detente with the sewing monster. Yay for a curtain! Though I still think a knitted curtain would be very fun to make. Hm… what size is your other window?

  • tyee

    Can it involve eating leftovers that have been in the fridge for 73 hours? Or drinking a sip of perfectly normal looking and smelling milk one day after the date on the carton?

  • tyee

    Can it involve eating leftovers that have been in the fridge for 73 hours? Or drinking a sip of perfectly normal looking and smelling milk one day after the date on the carton?

  • davmoo

    Darn limitations…

    I was going to dare you to pee outside in a small cramped area after having gone swimming naked while wearing bandages and protective eyewear…

  • davmoo

    Darn limitations…

    I was going to dare you to pee outside in a small cramped area after having gone swimming naked while wearing bandages and protective eyewear…

  • Tallbob51

    Learn to juggle 3 or more items. At months end, post pic of yourself juggling 3 oranges/apples/whatever.

  • Tallbob51

    Learn to juggle 3 or more items. At months end, post pic of yourself juggling 3 oranges/apples/whatever.

  • Dean Jones

    Calaveras County,and Sonora has some nice Caverns that are not huge that you could go down. They are well lit,and while it would certainly trigger your claustrophobia,it’s also pretty and neat,and you can leave whenever you want so it’s not like descending into carlsbad caverns or something.
    Plus the area has wonderfull wineries and restraunts and it’s beautifull this time of year.
    I reccomend that for the claustrophobia.

  • Dean Jones

    Calaveras County,and Sonora has some nice Caverns that are not huge that you could go down. They are well lit,and while it would certainly trigger your claustrophobia,it’s also pretty and neat,and you can leave whenever you want so it’s not like descending into carlsbad caverns or something.
    Plus the area has wonderfull wineries and restraunts and it’s beautifull this time of year.
    I reccomend that for the claustrophobia.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/michael_va Michael

    I don’t remember having seen any plants in your webcam images. Start an indoor hoticulture project, nothing too elaborate, just an arrangement of potted plants.

  • cornontheschwab

    That’s a wonderful curtain!!! The most beautiful…

    On to suggestions…

    Keeping in mind your limitations and your lack of massive ammounts of funds…hmmmmmmmmm…

    Well, you could put your curtain making abilities to good use by making your own parachute to go sky-diving…you’d save a ton of money by not having to buy a parachute!!!

    OK, seriously…how ’bout a drive down the coast, that’s what I’d do, but I don’t live there. You’ve probably already done that a dozen times…

    Ohhhhhhh…VEGAS!!! :)

  • cornontheschwab

    That’s a wonderful curtain!!! The most beautiful…

    On to suggestions…

    Keeping in mind your limitations and your lack of massive ammounts of funds…hmmmmmmmmm…

    Well, you could put your curtain making abilities to good use by making your own parachute to go sky-diving…you’d save a ton of money by not having to buy a parachute!!!

    OK, seriously…how ’bout a drive down the coast, that’s what I’d do, but I don’t live there. You’ve probably already done that a dozen times…

    Ohhhhhhh…VEGAS!!! :)

  • http://www.sneakypanda.org jen

    Ideas:

    1) start teaching yourself a new language
    2) go to a church/religious service as an impartial observer
    3) try a totally vegan or vegetarian (or just dairy-less or raw food or anything else) diet for 30 days
    4) pick an author you’ve always been curious about but never read and read 3-6 of their books in a month + a biography
    5) when you are at home (or at the MSG’s) try blindfolding yourself for a few hours every day to see what it’s like
    6) spend a month sending letters instead of email, in all cases when it’s possible (obviously this won’t be possible for work correspondance)
    7) limit yourself to 30 minutes online a day (again, discounting work if you must) 8) record every single penny you spend in a notebook for an entire month
    9) Read a book about Opera, find one that’s playing in SF this month, read the libretto and some history, then go see a matinee or dress rehearsal @ SF Opera House (this is only if you’ve never seen one, or know very little about Opera now)

    I can’t think of a 10. I’m sleepy. Good luck with whatever you do!

  • http://www.sneakypanda.org jen

    Ideas:

    1) start teaching yourself a new language
    2) go to a church/religious service as an impartial observer
    3) try a totally vegan or vegetarian (or just dairy-less or raw food or anything else) diet for 30 days
    4) pick an author you’ve always been curious about but never read and read 3-6 of their books in a month + a biography
    5) when you are at home (or at the MSG’s) try blindfolding yourself for a few hours every day to see what it’s like
    6) spend a month sending letters instead of email, in all cases when it’s possible (obviously this won’t be possible for work correspondance)
    7) limit yourself to 30 minutes online a day (again, discounting work if you must) 8) record every single penny you spend in a notebook for an entire month
    9) Read a book about Opera, find one that’s playing in SF this month, read the libretto and some history, then go see a matinee or dress rehearsal @ SF Opera House (this is only if you’ve never seen one, or know very little about Opera now)

    I can’t think of a 10. I’m sleepy. Good luck with whatever you do!

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/michael_va Michael

    P.S. on the indoor horticultural project. If you’re a neophyte, it’s better to start with plants that have a form or foliage that you like and can tolerate dry soil. Inducing plants to flower indoors usually requires one to maintain specific conditions, consistently. Foliage plants are more forgiving. The tolerance of dry soil makes it easy to learn when and how much to water. Water them only when their soil is dry and don’t give them more water than they can completely absorb in about a week. If you under water, drought tolerant plants can last a few days in dry soil before they start to wilt, succulents can last weeks but are more sensitive to over watering. Since you like shiny things, Ficus elastica and a selection of Philodendron species might be a good choice. They have large showy leaves which have a waxy upper epidermis that can be polished. … :-)

  • http://mickeykuyo.fr-org.net/ Mickey

    Learning to draw…

  • http://mickeykuyo.fr-org.net/ Mickey

    Learning to draw…

  • monkeymind

    improv comedy workshop

  • http://expatnomad.blogspot.com Expat Nomad

    Aside from being a useful thing to know, how to fix a bicycle. Not only can it get you out of a bind but can also earn you some extra cash on the side.

    People are somehow amazed by others who can fix things.

  • http://expatnomad.blogspot.com Expat Nomad

    Aside from being a useful thing to know, how to fix a bicycle. Not only can it get you out of a bind but can also earn you some extra cash on the side.

    People are somehow amazed by others who can fix things.

  • Caller Number Six

    Ever fly a plane?

    I’m not sure if it still works this way, but twenty years ago I took an intro flight lesson. After a brief tutorial on basic instruments/controls , I went up with an instructor and was allowed to pilot the entire flight except the landing.

    Even Concord is beautiful under those circumstances.

    I’ll go back to lurking now.

  • Caller Number Six

    Ever fly a plane?

    I’m not sure if it still works this way, but twenty years ago I took an intro flight lesson. After a brief tutorial on basic instruments/controls , I went up with an instructor and was allowed to pilot the entire flight except the landing.

    Even Concord is beautiful under those circumstances.

    I’ll go back to lurking now.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/fivecats fivecats

    I don’t know about the Fear Factor aspect of things. Having watched only bits and pieces of the show it seems designed to “entertain” the audience by watching other people either do incredibly gross, humiliating things and/or being put into dangerous, freightening situations. It’s fear without purpose — other than a supposed cash prize at the end — and that doesn’t seem to be worthwhile to me in daily life.

    If you’ve read my blog at all you’ll probably know I’m a serious Amazing Race junkie. Initially I didn’t want to watch the show but my wife convinced me to watch it with her. After the first five minutes I was hooked and started working on her to apply with me. (She finally did, about 4 years later)

    The host of The Amazing Race is Phil Keoghan. After a diving accident when he was 19 he wrote out a list of things he wanted to do before he died. He turned that list into a philosophy he refers to as No Opportunity Wasted (TV and book). It’s a “live each day as if it were your last” idea and he encourages everyone to create a simliar list.

    The book goes into more detail on why the list is important and how you shouldn’t limit yourself by money, time, etc. The list is a series of goals for yourself over the course of your life. The important thing is to think about the list, write it down, and find ways to work on it (updating it as necessary along the way).

    The TV show gives people $3000 and 72 hours to fulfill a dream.

    So, to get me in the running for the “personally crafted mix CD” is:

    * Find the NOW book at your local bookstore and read the first two chapters to get a better idea of what he’s talking about.

    * Write up your list

    * Include ONE thing you can do this month, factoring in cost, time, etc.

    * Get your friends involved in making it happen. Getting others involved can not only make it more fun, but you can then reciprocate when they see what a good idea it is and want to try it for themselves. (Besides, once you’ve told them about it, it’s harder to back out of it)

    * In between that time, come up with an entry for the NOW tv show, listing what you’d do with $3000 in 72 hours to make a dream of yours come true.

    (and, no, I’m not affiliated with Phil Keoghan, NOW, The Amazing Race [although Lord knows I've applied to TAR enough times so it isn't for lack of trying] or anything like that. It just seems like a good idea to me and it seems appropriate to your request)

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/fivecats fivecats

    I don’t know about the Fear Factor aspect of things. Having watched only bits and pieces of the show it seems designed to “entertain” the audience by watching other people either do incredibly gross, humiliating things and/or being put into dangerous, freightening situations. It’s fear without purpose — other than a supposed cash prize at the end — and that doesn’t seem to be worthwhile to me in daily life.

    If you’ve read my blog at all you’ll probably know I’m a serious Amazing Race junkie. Initially I didn’t want to watch the show but my wife convinced me to watch it with her. After the first five minutes I was hooked and started working on her to apply with me. (She finally did, about 4 years later)

    The host of The Amazing Race is Phil Keoghan. After a diving accident when he was 19 he wrote out a list of things he wanted to do before he died. He turned that list into a philosophy he refers to as No Opportunity Wasted (TV and book). It’s a “live each day as if it were your last” idea and he encourages everyone to create a simliar list.

    The book goes into more detail on why the list is important and how you shouldn’t limit yourself by money, time, etc. The list is a series of goals for yourself over the course of your life. The important thing is to think about the list, write it down, and find ways to work on it (updating it as necessary along the way).

    The TV show gives people $3000 and 72 hours to fulfill a dream.

    So, to get me in the running for the “personally crafted mix CD” is:

    * Find the NOW book at your local bookstore and read the first two chapters to get a better idea of what he’s talking about.

    * Write up your list

    * Include ONE thing you can do this month, factoring in cost, time, etc.

    * Get your friends involved in making it happen. Getting others involved can not only make it more fun, but you can then reciprocate when they see what a good idea it is and want to try it for themselves. (Besides, once you’ve told them about it, it’s harder to back out of it)

    * In between that time, come up with an entry for the NOW tv show, listing what you’d do with $3000 in 72 hours to make a dream of yours come true.

    (and, no, I’m not affiliated with Phil Keoghan, NOW, The Amazing Race [although Lord knows I've applied to TAR enough times so it isn't for lack of trying] or anything like that. It just seems like a good idea to me and it seems appropriate to your request)

  • http://www.livejournal.com/~darkshifter Darkshifter

    1) Begin reading a comic book series! Just pick one (or ask for suggestions) and start collecting, at least for a wee bit. See how the other side lives!
    2) Learn piglatin, klingon, or elvish, or some other very random obscure language and wow your friends at cocktail parties.
    3) Got one word for ya: SCRAPBOOK!
    4) Perhaps take up an art form that you’re not familiour with, painting, sketching, claying (?), etc. Some other way to express yourself.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/~darkshifter Darkshifter

    1) Begin reading a comic book series! Just pick one (or ask for suggestions) and start collecting, at least for a wee bit. See how the other side lives!
    2) Learn piglatin, klingon, or elvish, or some other very random obscure language and wow your friends at cocktail parties.
    3) Got one word for ya: SCRAPBOOK!
    4) Perhaps take up an art form that you’re not familiour with, painting, sketching, claying (?), etc. Some other way to express yourself.

  • andrew

    Take public transit entirely around the bay, from San Francisco to San Francisco, crossing none of the major bridges over the bay. You got to get over the river, so one of those bridges up by Vallejo is ok.

    I am not 100% sure this is even possible!

  • andrew

    Take public transit entirely around the bay, from San Francisco to San Francisco, crossing none of the major bridges over the bay. You got to get over the river, so one of those bridges up by Vallejo is ok.

    I am not 100% sure this is even possible!

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