listen to your gut
Part one of therapy: listen to your gut. My gut instinct has never really let me down, but I have grown accustomed to ignoring it, mostly because of the influence of people in my life telling me I am “too emotional” and need to mitigate this nature with logic and reason. On Wednesday, my therapist and I discerned that I have stopped listening to my gut instinct entirely because of this. Today I had a day off. When I woke up, I thought to myself, “I should get up and get ready and go to Golden Gate Park, write a bit while lying in the sunshine, and then come back here and go to Flax and stare at the pretty pens.” I thought this because this is my standard procedure during days off; this is what I think I should do when I have a day...
Read Moretherapy cagematch
You know it’s a good therapy session when you walk out a little woozy and nauseated. It’s on. I’m posting this photo to remind me that once I get over the beaten-up feeling, there are good days in the sunshine like this one just waiting for me. Tomorrow, even. Thanks, César. iPod love: “Clean Sheets” by Descendents. Those sheets are dirty, and so are you. Yeah.
Read Moreif I don’t laugh
You know that phrase, “If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry”? Yes. One of my coworkers, with whom I’ve personally been through a lot over the last four years, announced that he is moving on to bigger and better things this summer. While I am excited for him, I’m quite saddened by the news. One of my other coworkers, knowing I was dealing with some other difficult and sad stuff before I found out, has been busily sending me links to cheer me up, none of which I can post here because they’re just too gross. I work with great people. I completed February’s challenge, attending Mass at Grace Cathedral on Good Friday. It was an overwhelming and beautiful two hours, but I was not moved to return to the Church. I’ll pick...
Read Morenot irony, but
An epiphany is the egg you cannot break. I have An epiphany is the green pen you’ll never find again. the love An epiphany is a flat tire on a bicycle without a chain. I want An epiphany is a paper dog. but I am An epiphany is the notebook by your bed the night you stop remembering your dreams. not yet An epiphany is the wind knocked out of you after falling on ice while laughing too hard. who I want An epiphany is when you stop thinking. to be
Read Moreresidue
My little car is parked in nearly the same spot it was when it was stolen last July. I am trying to remember that there is a difference between not caring and not worrying. Work stress has messed with my sleep schedule over the past few days, and the short story I’m wrasslin’ has consumed my every waking hour. I think part of me has a crush on the protagonist, while being really frustrated with how he’s behaving, which is a strange but not unwelcome feeling. I had a dream in which the MSG told me that he was taking my goldfish to his house because I couldn’t give it enough sunlight. But I do not have a goldfish. If I did, I would certainly give it enough sunlight. I fear Zen would give it too much pawlight and toothlight, though. In...
Read Morechallenge update
Last night I had a craving for crab rangoon as well as hot and sour soup, so I ate them, and have leftover soup for lunch today. Mmm. Last night I also spent an hour on the phone chatting with my mom, which was nice, but the undercurrent in her voice — worry that my life is not following her idea of how it should — made me a little sad. Okay, it made more than a little sad, mostly about making her worry but also about letting her down. But then I remembered how awesome my life is, and how I’m not letting anyone at all down by being myself, unconventional though I may be … and I wasn’t sad anymore. Very soon I will be attending the Solemn Liturgy of Good Friday at Grace Cathedral in order to fulfill February’s challenge, and I...
Read Morelitter-ary
Hmm, no one showed up for my ergonomic desk checkup appointment today. Not that I’m too worried about that. I’m huddled in my freezing office, hunched over my desk while squinting at the too-small laptop screen. My wrists are lying flat on a board laced with rusty nails and razorblades, and I am using an actual mouse but it wriggles a lot when I plug it in so I have to switch off sometimes with the more lethargic gerbil. The rest of the visit with my dad and stepmom was terrific. I am a little worn out right now, having spent 95% of the past five days Around People. I haven’t had much time to write, which means the characters in my head are really pissed off at me and showing it by littering in all the corners and slamming doors. I hate...
Read Moreintermission
While I was offline, I stumbled upon the brand-new Moleskine reporter notebook (only $5.50 for the pocket size at Flax!) and Greg informed me of the rest of Fiona Apple’s “Extraordinary Machine” being leaked. The past few days with my dad and stepmom have been fantastic, filled with excellent food and fine art and good conversation and wishful window-shopping and personable Swiss men and managing not to kill anyone on the expressways and sleeping several hours in a row and I don’t know all what else but it’s been great. Zen woke up long enough to rub her face against my laptop just to confirm this for you. And now if you’ll excuse me, back to...
Read Morememory banks deposit
The best thing about completing six loads of laundry is discovering clothes I forgot I owned. Or perhaps that’s the best thing about having really disorganized and goofy memory banks. I also have a bedroom floor. Hello, floor! The ides of March was positive this year, bringing a reward for my perseverance, diligence, and outright modesty from the universe to my doorstep: a small café bag from Tom Bihn. All of my essentials fit in it — Moleskines, fountain pen and ink, Sidekick 2, iPod, wallet, lip balm, ferry tickets — plus there is room yet for a book or camera or well-behaved iguana! Very exciting. I’m also tickled that it bears the famous inside label. I wish I could say I’m up with the sun (for me) because I’m...
Read Morelighten up
Oof, forgot today was my long day. Only about an hour to go … In between bashing my sleepy noggin against a free trial of WhenToWork.com, I’ve been considering where the disconnect is between what I feel and how I express it, and I think I’ve pinpointed it: before I say what I feel, I am overwhelmingly aware of the thirty different ways in which it might be received. My base assumption is that whatever I say is going to be dismissed out of hand or even rejected, so I’m already on the defensive before the words are out. If, then, the response is not 100% positive, that’s it. I’m upset. Because obviously these expressions of mine are Real and True and Important, to me and to everyone else. Gah, how scary is that? I...
Read MoreHello What
Nestcam
Reading
Listening
Serious Stuff
Thank you for reading. You can support this site in the following ways:
Hosted by Bluehost. Powered by WordPress, MarsEdit, Dropbox, unflappable optimism, and builder's tea.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed herein are solely mine and not of any employer or organization.
The original content on this website is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. When in doubt, ask.
Wheaton's Law applies here.
