learning my lesson

This is just one of my few favorite photos from Friday’s excursion to the Conservatory of Flowers. chocolate and vanilla

I learned a very important lesson on Friday. Thursday night, when I went to bed, I decided that Friday would be a terrific day, the best day of my life yet.

It was.

Good lesson, yes? It was so easy to understand once I got it; it’s proving more difficult to put into practice, but I persist. I am still searching for the exact quote that the MSG gave me on Friday night that touched me so deeply, but I found this one, by Kahlil Gibran:

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”

Another lesson I learned is that it is very easy for me to love and not very easy for me to show love. I’m still processing that, eagerly searching for a good solution so that I don’t fall back into old patterns of paranoid withdrawal. The paranoid withdrawal becomes quickly destructive because once I’m in that tailspin, I know just how pointless and lame it is, but I can’t seem to break out of it because I’m focused on how pointless and lame it is. So. Very. Frustrating.

Anyway, in cheerier news, my dad and stepmom arrive this Wednesday for a short visit. I’m looking forward to touring around the Bay Area with them. It’s always interesting and refreshing to see the same places with new eyes.

About Halsted M. Bernard

Halsted, a/k/a cygnoir, does stuff with words. Her favourite things to do with words are keeping this diary, writing stories, and organising information. She lives in Edinburgh with her husband, two cats, a few gadgets, several fountain pens, and many books.

Posted on 14 Mar 2005 in Diary
  • davmoo

    I’ve seen the Conservatory used in several movies. It looks absolutely fascinating, both plant-wise and architecture-wise. One of these days I swear I’m going to make it to the Bay area, and the Conservatory is right at the top of my “must see” list.

  • Tallbob51

    *nods*, focusing on the act of living is not living.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/michael_va Michael

    I love the flowers, thanks Halsed. … :-) … It isn’t paranoia when there actually are people trying to do you harm, though. And, retreat can be a prudent tactical decision. I think that it’s letting our fears paralyze us that is dysfunctional. On a lighter note, enjoy the visit from your family.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/stanishjohnd/ John S

    I can understand your fear of expressing love for another when you been mistreated in the past by others who you shared your love with. Fortunately, there is also reward in taking the risk to show love to your significant other. :) Just remember: nothing ventured, nothing gained.