dear mobile phone user
Dear Mobile Phone User:
Shut. Up.
I do not want to hear about your new shoe purchases. I do not want to hear about how you can’t believe what a dickhead that manager was to you in that one meeting. I do not want to hear about how no he di-int, o yes he di-id.
I do not want to hear your vapid, codependent rambling, period.
You may think that these things are important, but I can assure you, I do not give one iota of one shit about your life, just like you so obviously do not give one about mine.
The difference between us is I’m not force-feeding my daily melodrama into your precious little eardrums.
Here is what I want: I want to live my life without listening to you talk on the phone.
I want to ride the bus and be able to concentrate on the book I am reading, the music I am listening to, the writing project I am working on, anything at all aside from your keening, “dude”-infested wails.
If you need to exchange pertinent, time-sensitive information, exercise one of your three remaining brain cells in figuring out how to summarize your all-important needs in twenty words or less. I can do it; with a little homework, you probably can too.
In closing, get the fuck off your fucking phone in public, you turgid prole.
Sincerely,
Halsted M. Bernard
… and yes, I work in a library. Quiet public spaces like libraries are important. Without them, we cannot think clearly, and without clear thinking, we lose the ability to reason for ourselves and end up devouring whatever pap the media serves us. Get a clue, fucky.
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