cygnoir.net

I am a designing a program.

This program will be fully compliant with the Ajax Web 2.0, able to run on PCs, Macs, Intel Macs, Blackberries, Palms, mobile phones and WebTV.

This program will include a fully-functional email client that has completely customizable templates, stylesheets, and themes so as to obviate the need for actual content.

This program will also include a calendar. This calendar will automagically update with all of my friends’ calendars, whether or not they have updated their calendars and whether or not we are still on speaking terms.

Additionally, this program will include a super-fast, super-efficient RSS reader, so I can quickly become overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information available to me.

Optional yet free modules available for this program will be:

• an instant messenger with only one status: “unavailable”
• photo sharing with software that corrects color, composition, and subject matter upon upload
• Getting Things Done popup hints which popup with increasing frequency when my biometrically-sensed motivation levels are low
• an address book that tracks my friends’ geographical locations by their mobile phones, graphs their movements over the past 30 days on Google Maps, then SMSes me whenever they are within a 10-block radius of my apartment

This program will be in beta for approximately forever, but you are invited to participate in the private beta, during which time no one you know will also be allowed to participate, so that I am your only “buddy” in the software and all bug reports you file to me will be happily answered with “that’s why it’s still in beta!!111!!! ”

I will make sure to name my program something misspelled or a compound word that does not exist or something starting with a lowercase vowel. Perhaps all three: iWebMoppr.