from ruler to tourist

I have struggled all day and I still have no idea how to write this, not even how to write around this, so I will just type the words and hope for the best:

I gave notice at the library today.

Those of you who know me well know the enormity of this statement. The library has been my umbilical cord for over five years. The books in it sustained my mind while the people in it sustained my heart. It tried my patience to its limits; it terrified me with its unexpected confrontations and losses; it forced me to face the vast unpleasantness that occasionally resides in my soul.

I became unable to see myself outside of its dusty shelves. How else would I be recognized? How would I recognize myself? And even as I grew miserable with the drudgery and the bureaucracy, even as it became crystal clear that I did not want to go back to school, not now and perhaps not ever, I clung to my tiny throne in my tiny kingdom and shut my eyes and wished for a cataclysm.

Serendipity found me first, in the form of an opportunity, and then interviews, and then an offer. Which I accepted. Today.

I went from ruler to tourist in five small words. I saw the room shake a little, but it was only my hands, my eyes.

The books will be fine, I tell myself, and it’s true. They will be in excellent hands, in the hands of excellent people who remain passionate about them despite a negligent world. And I will be fine too, leaping headfirst into the Web, working with what changed my life eleven years ago, what changes my life daily.

My next adventure begins in just a few weeks. I am not ready, and I am ready.

About Halsted M. Bernard

Halsted, a/k/a cygnoir, does stuff with words. Her favourite things to do with words are keeping this diary, writing stories, and organising information. She lives in Edinburgh with her husband, two cats, a few gadgets, several fountain pens, and many books.

Posted on 12 Jul 2006 in Diary
  • http://senseless.livejournal.com Senseless_

    I hope you have many many Adventures…

  • http://www.geeseaplenty.com Greg

    Holy crap. I, of course, don’t know you at all. But I do have a sense of the importance of your (former) job in your life. And as I’ve been at my current job for seven (!) years, this post resonated with me quite a bit. Good luck…and knock ‘em dead.

  • lunesse

    Wow lady. CONGRATS! I can’t wait to read about it all.

  • jen

    Good for you – I’ve always wondered why you didn’t explore web stuff more, seeing as, for you, it seems such an intuitive skill and daily aspect of your life. Also I just realized that maybe 6 years ago our job titles @ Yomu were something akin to “Libarian Advisor” and “Web Designer” – presto chango!

  • Velma

    This sounds like a huge and excellent move. I wish you all the best.

  • j david

    schroedinger’s swan is both ready and not ready…the act of opening the box will determine which one emerges (I’ve placed my bet!)

    I’m so happy for you! This is great. I’m glad that things are working for you and can’t wait to hear more.

  • Dean Jones

    Wow.

    Well..I am sure that you will do splendid in anything you do.

    Rodeo Clown,Fry Cook,Astronaut,Member of a Breakdancing crew..

    Go for it.

  • http://fivecats.livejournal.com fivecats

    I am reminded of a sign we saw in a closed up store in Annapolis, MD many years ago.

    “Off to Our Next Great Adventure!”

    In a day filled with lots and lots of things, you got the first “Wow” out of me with your second sentence. Still, there is a strong sense of determined movement in your writing, making me feel confident that, despite your occasional uncertainty about what you’re leaving behind, that you’re making the right, the best decision for yourself.

    Stay strong, courageous and adventurous.

    (And keep writing, please!)

    …

  • http://www.courtneyp.com courtney

    wow, scary, but exciting, isn’t it? Congrats on your new endeavor and best of luck!!

  • http://www.thedemoniaco.com TheDemoniaco

    Wow.. whatever you have choose as your destiny will do you nothing but good! and why is this? because you rule everything you touch, you conquer everyplace you go, you have the power and the people that admires you not only as a librarian, but as a friend!

  • http://revjest.livejournal.com/ RevJest

    Congratulations on your new job. I hope it provides you with new opportunities and challenges.

  • http://supervery.com sue

    ooo how exciting

    and such a brave thing to do

    and guess what, becuase you decide to do it it will obviously be the momst wonderful thing ever

    YAY YOU

  • http://sortakinda.ca wootam!

    congrats again! ;-)

  • http://miceland.com mice

    Congratulations.

  • http://pixiepurls.com pixie

    congrats ‘sted!!!! I think it’s funny your doing something web related :) hehe

  • Michael_Va

    You may feel unready, but I’m certain that you’re worthy. … ;-D

  • http://www.randomlife.com randomlife

    Wow, I wish you all the best in your new job! Whatever it is, they are really lucky to have you.

  • http://flickr.com/photos/bringo Bringo

    Hi Cyg! Congratulations and of course all the best to you for your new job (whatever it is)! I gave notice at my job the day prior. I guess these are times of change.

    Have a good trip to Seattle!

    Bringo

  • http://www.ultramegawow.com roe

    : tapdancing on your behalf :

    Woman, that’s awesome. :) I know it’s hard for you to leave — on the other hand, you’ve been there for a while, now. Time to move on and grow some more.

    Webbity-web web!

    * sparkle *