Comments on: tools in my workshop http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/ the black swan with digital wings Fri, 25 May 2012 13:08:00 +0000 hourly 1 By: Darren http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1858 Darren Wed, 25 Jul 2007 21:11:41 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1858 It's more of a delight than nearly anything I can recently remember to see the light of these realizations spread across your features. Five of five. No excessive compromises. Reaching out and grasping what you want, what you deserve, after so many years of restricting your passion and imagination. You have clearly stated here that you are no hapless fool of fate. We know that you've already shown her who is really wearing the steel-toes. Kick some shit, baby. It’s more of a delight than nearly anything I can recently remember to see the light of these realizations spread across your features. Five of five. No excessive compromises. Reaching out and grasping what you want, what you deserve, after so many years of restricting your passion and imagination.

You have clearly stated here that you are no hapless fool of fate. We know that you’ve already shown her who is really wearing the steel-toes. Kick some shit, baby.

]]> By: cygnoir.net / blue skies and all http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1847 cygnoir.net / blue skies and all Sat, 21 Jul 2007 09:34:14 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1847 [...] those of you who shared your thoughts on the last post, thank you so much. I have always loved the more interactive parts of this journal because they [...] [...] those of you who shared your thoughts on the last post, thank you so much. I have always loved the more interactive parts of this journal because they [...]

]]> By: E-Babe http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1852 E-Babe Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:31:17 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1852 What I'm trying to change is my total and utter lack of compassion for people who screw up their lives by making one bad decision on top of another and then expect to be bailed out. They are such a drain on people who have some ability to make the difficult choices. I am not beginning to realize that I need to just meet them where they are at and know that it could be me who has zero will power. I need to realize that everything I have that's good in my life... my family, my home, my dog, my ability to work, to deny myself those things which are bad for me... all of things are gifts that everyone doesn't possess. Bottom line: I need to cut people more slack. Great post, by the way. What I’m trying to change is my total and utter lack of compassion for people who screw up their lives by making one bad decision on top of another and then expect to be bailed out. They are such a drain on people who have some ability to make the difficult choices.

I am not beginning to realize that I need to just meet them where they are at and know that it could be me who has zero will power. I need to realize that everything I have that’s good in my life… my family, my home, my dog, my ability to work, to deny myself those things which are bad for me… all of things are gifts that everyone doesn’t possess.

Bottom line: I need to cut people more slack.

Great post, by the way.

]]> By: Lara Beeson http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1851 Lara Beeson Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:17:44 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1851 I'm working on being okay with not making others happy(most especially my family outside of our little core trio here) but to rather focus on me and us instead, just because of SOPs are not the same as theirs, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. I've been different my whole life, I just need to be all right with being a bit different within our larger family as well. When my mother was less than enthusiastic about my news about my recent decision with regard to further school, it disappointed me, but really illustrated to me that our being different is really okay and we'll all just have to come to terms with that one way or the other. The only tools I think I need to develop to help with this one are be critical of my decisions with regard to me and us, and far less reliant on the necessity f seeking outside approval and validation from my family. If is good for us, I should not care or worry about what They think about these things. I’m working on being okay with not making others happy(most especially my family outside of our little core trio here) but to rather focus on me and us instead, just because of SOPs are not the same as theirs, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them.
I’ve been different my whole life, I just need to be all right with being a bit different within our larger family as well. When my mother was less than enthusiastic about my news about my recent decision with regard to further school, it disappointed me, but really illustrated to me that our being different is really okay and we’ll all just have to come to terms with that one way or the other.
The only tools I think I need to develop to help with this one are be critical of my decisions with regard to me and us, and far less reliant on the necessity f seeking outside approval and validation from my family. If is good for us, I should not care or worry about what They think about these things.

]]> By: Tony http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1850 Tony Fri, 20 Jul 2007 07:11:34 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1850 Thanks Victoria, I realized I hadn't filled in the middle part, so here it is. No Fear Have Fun Develop Skills Do the right thing Respect others all ways Plan—think things through Alignment with partners and associates First, be a good animal Then to the side, I have the whole big triangle in brackets and it says "Communicate these values to my children." Cheers, Tony Thanks Victoria,

I realized I hadn’t filled in the middle part, so here it is.

No Fear

Have Fun
Develop Skills

Do the right thing
Respect others all ways
Plan—think things through
Alignment with partners and associates

First, be a good animal

Then to the side, I have the whole big triangle in brackets and it says “Communicate these values to my children.”

Cheers,
Tony

]]> By: Victoria http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1849 Victoria Thu, 19 Jul 2007 19:36:25 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1849 I'm working very hard to stop apologizing for who I am* (especially the being fat part). It's helped enormously that I have great friends who love me wherever I'm at and I'm learning to listen to THEM instead of all the negative messages I've received through the years (and continue to receive). It's hard undoing 40-plus years of icky feedback, but I get up and try again, every day (several times a day). I think the day that I had the confrontation with the guy who called me a "fat, f'in bitch" and I reacted with humanity and compassion instead of getting defensive and thumping him--or crying because yet another guy called me out for being a fattie--was a HUGE step. *Now, this is not to say that I won't apologize if I'm acting like a total TOOL and someone calls me on it. Tony, I love the base and top of your mission statement! Those sound like exactly where I want to begin and reach for. I’m working very hard to stop apologizing for who I am* (especially the being fat part). It’s helped enormously that I have great friends who love me wherever I’m at and I’m learning to listen to THEM instead of all the negative messages I’ve received through the years (and continue to receive). It’s hard undoing 40-plus years of icky feedback, but I get up and try again, every day (several times a day).

I think the day that I had the confrontation with the guy who called me a “fat, f’in bitch” and I reacted with humanity and compassion instead of getting defensive and thumping him–or crying because yet another guy called me out for being a fattie–was a HUGE step.

*Now, this is not to say that I won’t apologize if I’m acting like a total TOOL and someone calls me on it.

Tony, I love the base and top of your mission statement! Those sound like exactly where I want to begin and reach for.

]]> By: Tony http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1848 Tony Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:17:24 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1848 I went through the 7 habits class years ago. I built a Mission statement based on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. At the bottom I put "First Be a Good Animal." At the top is "No Fear." In between are another six guiding principles. I have found myself giving in on important things in my life. It's some kind of co-dependent thing. I have gotten a lot of therapy over the years for issues in my life and hope I am on the road to fulfilling my mission. The two things that are my main focus are No Fear and Do the right thing. The link in this post goes back to a blog that I have where I share some of the insights I have gained through my therapy and readings. The twist is that I try to put it in a context understandable by people for whom emotions are not their primary language, i.e. engineers. I find that writing has several attributes. First, it can be cathartic. Second, it forces some discipline into my thinking about these things. Finally, I get pleasure out of thinking htat I may be helping other people. A few hundred people have actually read my blog since I started it, some multiple times. Good luck. I went through the 7 habits class years ago. I built a Mission statement based on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. At the bottom I put “First Be a Good Animal.” At the top is “No Fear.” In between are another six guiding principles.

I have found myself giving in on important things in my life. It’s some kind of co-dependent thing. I have gotten a lot of therapy over the years for issues in my life and hope I am on the road to fulfilling my mission. The two things that are my main focus are No Fear and Do the right thing.

The link in this post goes back to a blog that I have where I share some of the insights I have gained through my therapy and readings. The twist is that I try to put it in a context understandable by people for whom emotions are not their primary language, i.e. engineers.

I find that writing has several attributes. First, it can be cathartic. Second, it forces some discipline into my thinking about these things. Finally, I get pleasure out of thinking htat I may be helping other people. A few hundred people have actually read my blog since I started it, some multiple times.

Good luck.

]]> By: pixie http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1857 pixie Thu, 19 Jul 2007 14:35:33 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1857 Well something I have had trouble with from the very beggning is CLEANING. I am a freakin slob. I hate cleaning. I don't mind organizing, I just hate cleaning. Now if someone comes to visit my house I clean it like a mad thing, but inbetween those moments it's trashed. I apprechiate nice things and most of the time I take care of my nice possesions. My gadgets in partciular get treated with far more care then say, my carpet. I got a "maid" this week, they will come bi-weekly. I have no idea if that will truley help me keep the house cleaning, or maybe motivate me to clean inbetween. I should have married a clean freak :) haha because my husband is just as bad as I am so together we are twice as bad. It's an issue I have been working my ENTIRE LIFE!!! Sometimes I am better then others, sometimes I am worse. Well something I have had trouble with from the very beggning is CLEANING. I am a freakin slob. I hate cleaning. I don’t mind organizing, I just hate cleaning. Now if someone comes to visit my house I clean it like a mad thing, but inbetween those moments it’s trashed. I apprechiate nice things and most of the time I take care of my nice possesions. My gadgets in partciular get treated with far more care then say, my carpet.

I got a “maid” this week, they will come bi-weekly. I have no idea if that will truley help me keep the house cleaning, or maybe motivate me to clean inbetween. I should have married a clean freak :) haha because my husband is just as bad as I am so together we are twice as bad. It’s an issue I have been working my ENTIRE LIFE!!! Sometimes I am better then others, sometimes I am worse.

]]> By: matt http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1856 matt Thu, 19 Jul 2007 13:53:49 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1856 'sted, you and i have to talk. ‘sted, you and i have to talk.

]]> By: Tom http://cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/comment-page-1/#comment-1855 Tom Thu, 19 Jul 2007 12:58:50 +0000 http://www.cygnoir.net/2007/07/18/tools-in-my-workshop/#comment-1855 Something I am working on in my own life is to dispense with my tendency towards self loathing and self deprecation. It's been a thing with me for most of my life, and has a lot to do with family issues I shant go into here. My tools are many and include books (not necessarily self help books, but just books, as reading does wonders for my mental health), and projects that I can undertake that will help boost my self esteem. I am also seeking ways to "train" myself to think more positively if you will. Something I am working on in my own life is to dispense with my tendency towards self loathing and self deprecation. It’s been a thing with me for most of my life, and has a lot to do with family issues I shant go into here.

My tools are many and include books (not necessarily self help books, but just books, as reading does wonders for my mental health), and projects that I can undertake that will help boost my self esteem. I am also seeking ways to “train” myself to think more positively if you will.

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