Learning to Count
You learned to count, walking home from school.You learned to count leaves and sidewalk cracks,segments of dog crap, cigarette butts, and bugs. Every moment you could count somethingyou could put off the moment you would seethe face on the stoop, the handswith long fingers: the gold ring. “Beautiful,” he said, and when he said ityou didn’t believe him; you couldn’t believea stranger with that in his hands. An enemy. You learned to countthe number of breaths it would take beforeyour heart stopped rabbiting your chest. One timeyou got to twenty and it hadn’t stopped but it would. When it was time to tell your story,you stood up and before so many more strangersyou said you learned to count. You learnedto make it not matter: to postpone the inevitablewalk...
Read Moregolden rule
Generally, I am not big on prayers or mantras or any other set of words that one is encouraged to repeat, absorb, and regurgitate without thinking. Yet running across this today made me a little less cynical, so I’d like to share it with you all. Prayer to Practice the Golden Rule May I be an enemy to no one and the friend of what abides eternally. May I never quarrel with those nearest me, and be reconciled quickly if I should. May I never plot evil against others, and if anyone plot evil against me, may I escape unharmed and without the need to hurt anyone else. May I love, seek and attain only what is good. May I desire happiness for all and harbor envy for none. May I never find joy in the misfortune of one who has wronged me. May I never wait for the...
Read Moregravity and levity
I was a serious child. My mother would take great pains to make me laugh, and when she discovered my affection for physical comedy — quite by accident, by running into the door jamb as she turned to leave my bedroom — she cracked me up regularly with her antics. My friend Ryan sends me into hysterics by pretending to fall down stairs, and the age-old joke of someone running toward me, arms outstretched, only to fake-smack into a street sign can immobilize me with laughter. When it comes to wordplay, I try but have less of a knack than I wish I had. Horrible puns cheer me; ridiculous in-jokes make me splutter. But there is one type of humor I cannot seem to adjust to no matter how hard I try, and that is the humorous insult. I always seek the truth...
Read Moreunguarded
Unguarded, life now is so simple: wake up. Breath comes in, leaves, comes in again. Warmth beside me shifts and sighs. A hand finds another hand, fingers entwine, palms squeeze. Soft words seek through the darkened room, catch in an ear, a companion sigh heaves. Good morning, my love. A turn, a kiss, limbs tangle. Good morning. Unguarded, walking down any street, arm in arm, steps match and we sway. Straight lines of sidewalk become dotted; there is a path forward together, behind us so many footfalls from time apart. Words bubble up without concern, without censoring. Laughter encircles us like a shield. I watch him, eyes open, heart open, while he touches and loves and savors the world. I watch him and, unguarded, see the past, the pause, and the present...
Read Moreeight things
Okay, okay, now I’ve been tagged to do this meme too many times, and I am pretty sure that I’ve done this sort of list multiple times now, but I just discovered a bizarre pattern in my life concerning the number 8, so what the hell! “Here’s [sic] the rules of engagement: Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 4 people and posts their blog names, then hopes they notice they have been tagged and continue this chain ad nauseum.” Sometimes I’ll keep reading a book I’m not enjoying simply because it smells good. I sing to my cat, mostly because I love to sing, but also because she...
Read Moreunabashed
It could have been anything. Any arrangement of words said or sent could have done it. It wasn’t the word “unabashed” though in a later conversation, it gave me pause — How many things have I been abashed about? What would make my top-ten abashed moments list? Too many, and those that jump to the fore: Crying during a routine gynecological exam. Throwing up Korean barbecue at a bus stop. Asking a non-pregnant person when the baby was due. Walking in on my then-boyfriend with his hand up another girl’s shirt. Exiting the house naked at a party with the expectation of skinny-dipping, and seeing everyone else in swimsuits. And them seeing me. Wearing the wrong colors to a playoff game. Very wrong colors. Thinking I was much better at sex...
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