excused
“What it must be,” she began and paused, hands lifting like feathers. “What it must be like, to be that …” “Free?” he answered. “Light? Unencumbered?” She thought a moment, then tilted her head and shrugged. “Quiet?” He reached to cup her elbow without a thought; he had to touch her. She did not resist. Her forearm dropped onto his. They stood like that, facing each other, one arm to one arm, for a long time and did not speak or look into each other’s eyes. She broke the silence with a cough, then: “Don’t bury me.” “I wouldn’t,” he answered, eyes dropping into the dark soil around the gleaming capsule. “I won’t.”
Read Morerefrigerator
The dead woman’s refrigerator is in the space between our buildings. I call her the dead woman although I admit I am guessing. A few weeks ago, a couple I did not recognize stopped while opening the door to her flat and asked me if I knew her. I didn’t, so I said no, and then immediately wondered if I should have said yes: what does “knew her” mean? I knew her to pass her in the hall and say hello, offer a brief word about the weather, and pet her dog, Kelly. I once helped her call Kelly out of the backyard bushes, minutes and minutes I called the name of a dog of a woman whose name I do not know and now she might be dead. I first noticed the refrigerator after a Saturday morning of thuds and whacks and grunts coming from her flat. ...
Read Moremystery solved
Up before the sun: a lovely, poetic, and altogether inaccurate phrase. I love it. I only love it, of course, with this sort of skeptical relish after I’ve had nearly eight hours of sleep. This happens so infrequently that my general feeling about early mornings is that they are specifically designed, like Oprah’s book club, to weed out mildly unmotivated people, leaving behind only those who sink their teeth into the neck of the day with such singular diligence that I avoid them, like I avoid Oprah’s book club, whenever possible. However, I have just slept nearly eight hours in a row and all in the same night, and so I am unreasonably jubilant, and writing to you all about how well-rested I am, which is possibly the most annoying thing to read...
Read Moresaturdays
Saturdays are different now. I have them entirely to myself, and I try to spend part of them in my flat, simply to center myself outside of everything that happens during the rest of the week. Sometimes I end up working or cleaning or socializing, but I’ve realized over the past few months that the most valuable thing I do on Saturdays is sitting in the window while thinking. I never get bored because there’s a lot going on now, and a lot to process of what’s gone on before. Lists of hobbies like the kind we see on social networking sites usually do not include “thinking” next to “traveling” and “hiking” and “knitting”. How would one quantify a hobby like that, anyway? We’re all expected...
Read Moresubtext
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in a bad feeling that I cannot discern how the bad feeling started and I cannot see the way out of it. During these times, I wonder where the existence of feeling lies, and how other people find it and separate it from the actuality of events in their worlds. I know that I have allowed certain situations in my life to create deep-seated mistrust of reality. I am sure that people are saying words they are not actually saying, and I read more between the lines than is actually there. In a way, I think my background in the theatre has exacerbated this seeking for subtext; in preparing a script, I have been urged to understand what it is the character is not saying as much as what she is saying. This manner of interacting with the...
Read Morevoting or not
I just voted, but I’m not going to get all snarky about it like I did last year. Or rather, I’ve already been snarky about it today and alienated someone I care about very much, and that just sucks. We all have our own reasons for doing or not doing things. I can be fairly condescending about some things I do, like voting, and for the lamest reason: I feel insecure about my place in the world, and so anything that cements that place becomes irrationally important to me. 2007 has been one giant lesson in Accountability For Bullshit I Do When I Feel Insecure. I would rather the year be one giant lesson in 1001 Ways to Eat Nutella, or something awesome like that, but no. We don’t get to pick the lessons, only what we learn from...
Read Morebetween
Nothing much to write about tonight, except that it’s happening at the end of a long day. When all sorts of ideas have been thought up and punched out of possibility like half-filled balloons, there is only a quiet space between wish and dream. I could describe my wish and my dream, but they are more posterboard and glue than gem and metal. Nothing fancy, unlike shinier things, and less than loud. But they’re what lines my nest, so I am partial to them.
Read Morecaching in
my D the geocacher Originally uploaded by cygnoir D and I try very hard to plan very little each Sunday, since it is our only day off together. Today we decided to take the new GPS out for some geocaching, and had one success of two attempts. We’ll go back for the second some other time earlier in the day. Sunday nights here at Le Chateau, so quiet and warm, are cherished times before the workweek begins anew. I always do feel a little sad that our day off together must come to an end, but so grateful that we make the time each week for just us, no matter...
Read Moreb0rked
Yes, I have broken something major here, and I apologize for the mess. It will be fixed soon. Edit: I attempted to upgrade WordPress to 2.3.1 from 2.1.3, and got various errors about old schema, despite all plugins being deactivated. So I went back to 2.1.3 … and promptly lost all my categories. Looks like this site will remain in chaos until a new version of WordPress comes out, or until I give up entirely and go net.dark, which looks more appealing by the minute. Later edit, after sleep and sushi and more cold medicine: meh. I switched back to my old theme, added a plugin for threading comments, and ran out of steam before tackling the disappeared list of links. O, and I joined NaBloPoMo. So it’s a wash, and now I am going to play WoW with D. ...
Read Moretwo of a kind
This will be short, since not only am I hitting the midpoint of this cold, but Zen has diarrhea. She’s still eating and drinking, so I’m not too worried, but still it breaks my heart when she cries and trots off to the litter box. She is curled up next to me right now, where she always returns, and purring. I wish they made Imodium for kitties. Tonight I’m missing dinner with D at our friends’ house. They’re lovely people who always serve incredible food and wine. I am so sad to be missing out, but cannot imagine heaving myself up to Marin, feeling like this. Thankfully, I had the luxury of the day off work today. I slept almost the entire time, and am confident that this was just what I needed to start feeling better tomorrow. ...
Read MoreNestcam
The cam was last on Friday, May 4.
Hello What
I am Halsted, a/k/a cygnoir, and I do stuff with words.
My favourite things to do with words are keeping this diary, writing stories, and organising information.
subscribe to updates:
· mobile edition ·
Scribbling
2,322/4,000 words
1,987/4,000 words
3,593/4,000 words
Reading
Listening
- Displacement
Gridlock
Now Playing - Scratch
Gridlock
7 minutes ago - Chrometaphor
Gridlock
12 minutes ago - [interlude 2]
Gridlock
13 minutes ago
Plugging
