Today I received a compliment of such magnitude that I can barely internalize it, hours later. It caused me to think deeply about self-worth, and how we decide whether or not we “deserve” compliments.
I put that in quotes because I wonder if it is relevant what we decide about someone else’s opinion. A genuine compliment is paid regardless of the agreement of the recipient.
For much of my life, I have struggled with the concept of what I deserve versus what I receive. With few exceptions, I have been what some have called blessed with good fortune, and that, coupled with a strong Roman Catholic upbringing, comes no small amount of concern that I have not earned it.
Yet we earn compliments without having to agree with them. It would be cleaner if we agreed, of course; it is rude to respond to a compliment with a negative statement, not to mention pointless (unless one is angling for the follow-up reaffirmation). Does the compliment, like the insult, say more about the giver than the recipient?
2 Comments
I’ve noticed that “you’re the best librarian ever” can translate as “you’re the best librarian that I know of, that I can recall right now, based on my own inexpert understanding of the role”.
I don’t know if that would affect how I’d receive a compliment, but it does make me feel inhibited from using superlatives myself.
I think compliments and insults reflect the giver’s perception of the giver-recipient relationship… but that’s wordy.
people are so critical, I think anytime someone says something nice to us it’s okay to be excited or put into a good mood etc by it. Picking apart anything nice I think could ruin the simplicity of someone saying or doing something nice. I do get what your saying, totally… but I guess thinking about a compliment that much would probably just ruin it for me so I would rather be ignorant and happy someone said something nice! SOMETHING spurred the compliment, so why not enjoy it?
heh.