The Coffee Identity

I have a coffee identity. It is the name I give at cafés that ask for my name with my order, because giving my real name led to conversations like:

“Your name?”
“Halsted.”
“Awesome?”
“Halsted.”
“Houston?”
“HALSTED.”
“Halston!”
“Yes, sure, that.”

Several years ago, I gave up and started saying “Kelly” instead.

Today, on my mid-morning break, I went to Sbux for a soy green tea latte. I gave my coffee name, as usual. The barista repeated it. Or so I thought. I wasn’t paying close attention through the fog of my LOST-hangover.

When my drink was up, I glanced at the cup. In black marker, it said “Ally”.

I made up a new rule on the spot: whatever my barista calls me is my new coffee identity until another barista changes it. I was Kelly; now I am Ally. Who will I be next?

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Posted on 24 May 2010 in Diary
  • http://www.geeseaplenty.com Greg

    I’ve been “Tim” for years. My normal name isn’t so unique, but like you, I got tired of the “Ray? Craig? Gray?” exchange. Tim simply doesn’t contain the vowel sounds that incite such activity.

  • http://buildingmywings.com Fawn

    I call that my coffee name. Mine is “Mickey, like the mouse.”

  • http://7au.net/ Jason

    Normally I use my given name, but sometimes I go by “Shazam,” so they can proclaim “Shazam!” whenever my food/drink/whatever is up.

  • http://www.petebeck.com Peter

    last year i was tagged as “Pitter” – not once, but twice – by the local SB barista. while i don’t use it when ordering, it was remembered by the group of friends who i frequent the place with, who won’t now let me forget it… :)

  • http://dakegra.net dave

    I don’t think I’ve ever had a barista ask me my name when I’ve ordered coffee. Is it an American thing?

  • http://supervery.com sue

    i think you are going around this the wrong way. make your name more complicated, then halsted seems quite easy

  • Mordaxus

    Fred. You should just be Fred. They wouldn’t forget, and it has a whole different set of ways it can be misheard.

    M