Bulletproof pants.

Time for another spam poem! All lines were taken from my spam folder, and only punctuation and line breaks have been added. The fall of Saddam Hussein has brought destruction/Hell to our great country and everything is so difficult now and all our opportunities are closing up, the new Government is trying to frustrate all our businesses. Life was better when I was younger, and with this secret potion, life seems young again. Why aren’t there bullet-proof pants? You do not know me and neither do I know you. If you are in not good state and have got no cash to move out, I know that you will grant my request in good faith. Regarding the transfer: Mulberry bush aside, would a monkey really chase a weasel?

Read More
Posted on 7 Mar 2011 | Comments Off

what you really need

what you really need

Okay, enough of that political crap. Here is what you really need today: A Bumpy Ride Bag from Zola Jones: because all other messenger bags want to be the one that closes with an actual repurposed seatbelt! If you don’t have the awesome Chicago hookup like I do, visit the Zola Jones Etsy shop. A cat who loves tissue paper like nothing else in the world. The fourth episode of “Dollhouse”.  I think it’s getting better. And really, did anyone like “Buffy” or “Angel” right away? Vitamin D. (Insert prerequisite seventh-grade joke here, and a “that’s what she said” for good measure.) I meant sunshine! Brilliant spam like this one: Become perpetuum mobile of love. A nap. The...

Read More
Posted on 7 Mar 2009 | 1 comment

with golden hands

What a lovely little spam: Why should you limit yourself in having an elegant look? A professional master with golden hands made this golden watch just for you. How thoughtful! Too bad I looked at the sender’s address.  Let’s just say it replaced this delicate image with one I cannot Borax out of my brain.

Read More
Posted on 19 Feb 2009 | Comments Off

dada and the prince

In lieu of real content, because I am much too spastic to deliver it, here is a spam poem. My rule is that I use whole lines from spam I’ve received, without any modification save for punctuation. Enjoy. The lovers were standing together at one of the windows. Snaps of ice cracking in the hidden air. “You’ve pitied me, and that’s all that bat fowl good manners exact.” The prince would never so much as suspect such a rice thunder verse thing in the delight of his first impression. “How ripe could anything exist without God?” said Dada, as much amazed butter as though the moon slid careful snake had fallen. “I will not fight a war I don’t want to win,” said the prince; he was bewildered, and his brain pin...

Read More
Posted on 30 Jul 2007 | 4 comments

spam subjects poem

She will love you more than any other man – just talked to him. The narcotic analgesics are very similar. Separate yourself from other men. Anthony Hopkins is so familiar. Are there any precautions and side-effects? Didn’t understand it; can’t be a lover anymore. These girls are all alone. What did we do to make it happen? [Addendum: I apologize for not explaining how these are constructed. I go into my spam folder and read through as many subject lines as I can take (roughly 500-1000), choose the ones I find most intriguing, then use each one as a discrete line of the poem, only adding punctuation and line breaks. Try it for yourself. It's fun!]

Read More
Posted on 12 Mar 2007 | 9 comments

spampoem: go|two|days

Perhaps it’s just me getting such a huge kick of spammers delivering poetry ideas to my inbox. Here’s an E.E. Cummings one. I changed only one letter. three bills a PILlow price souper vighagra go|two|days|nonstop|LAD|IES|LO|VE|IT

Read More
Posted on 19 Feb 2004 | Comments Off

spampoem: is on fire

I kept threatening to remix some of this crazy spam email I’ve been getting that is just pages and pages of random words. However, it wasn’t compelling enough for me to do … until I got this fantastic spam email the other day that was actually comprised of full phrases. Phrases that made absolutely no sense, mind you, but full phrases nonetheless. Gorgeous. So here it is, my first spam email remix poem. Please note that none of the phrases have been modified in any way; I just added spacing and cleaned up the grammar and spelling a bit. Enjoy. Share. Find the beauty in spam. Is On Fire Whose silver clock falls or her daughter’s fancy caw is angry. Their silver tall bra runs. Any given small printer calms down or our well-crafted mp3...

Read More
Posted on 17 Feb 2004 | Comments Off