Posts Tagged ‘travel’

burnout

// October 7th, 2008 // 10 Comments » // Libraria, Life

There is no better phrase for it: I am burned out. I don’t remember ever being this burned out. As I stopped to ponder why this is hitting me so hard now, I realized I haven’t had a vacation for almost two years. This is the longest period of time I have gone without traveling in my entire life.

Work hasn’t become more difficult, but my ability to deal with it objectively is faltering. Being a manager and being in public service means I am always on even when I don’t feel like it.  There is no hiding or taking it easy.  My coworkers have been very understanding, but they also work under the same restrictions.  Such is the way of the library professional.

Although my health has improved lately, I still have off days, sometimes triggered by hidden gluten, and other times triggered by an unknown allergy or intolerance I have yet to figure out. Because I have limited sick time that I have to use for doctor’s appointments, I feel a great amount of pressure not to take time off work, even when I am feeling lousy.

At home, all I want to do is relax.  The thought of cooking for an hour or two after coming home from work is daunting.  Also daunting is the prospect of being social after a day of “social work” at the library.  I barely have the wherewithal to read some RSS feeds, let alone be productive.  Just thinking about putting energy into a focus-intensive game like World of Warcraft makes me weary.

What is most disturbing about this level of burnout is that I am not myself.  I react to things differently, with less patience and less gentleness than I ever have; I sleep fitfully and not enough; I confuse timelines and threads, awkwardly mixing past and present.  This loss of continuity and consistency unmoors me.  

All I want to do is run away.

This is not particularly how I wanted to approach this trip, this culmination of years of planning and wishing.  In fact, this is exactly the opposite mindset I need to have.  And yet the pressure of knowing that I have two days to wrest my attitude from two years of burnout is immense.

Once we are there, of course, I am sure it will take me no time at all to unfurl all these crumpled-up parts of my psyche.  Until then, I am making myself and probably everyone else miserable.  But I am tired of being nice, as awful as that is to say.  I feel as if my overwhelming drive to be nice, to smooth over rough edges, to acquiesce has more than a little to do with why I am this burned out.

domino effect

// September 15th, 2008 // 5 Comments » // Life

I gave up and ordered a new camera battery charger. The old one must be somewhere, but I have no time before our upcoming trip to Scotland to sort through all of my boxes. Believe me, there will be some serious purging of useless belongings happening when I return.

My handy countdown widget tells me that only 23 days remain until our trip. It is so paltry to say that I am excited to see this beloved country, this heart-home of my beloved, and to meet and re-meet friends far away. I am beyond excited. Every time I read a page in a guidebook I start bouncing in my chair and have to put it down.

I know that no small part of my excitement stems from a frantic need to be Not-Here for a short time. Living in San Francisco has become exhausting, and because this is such an amazing city I know my fuse must be particularly short.  I have not had a proper vacation, even a weekend getaway, in almost a year.  I also admit some weariness around the subject of American politics.

So I avoided the topic as much as possible over the weekend.  FunkyPlaid and I actually had an entire weekend to ourselves, and it was excellent, only marred by the news of David Foster Wallace’s death. Others have been much more eloquent than I could be, than I have tried to be multiple times tonight in eulogy.

This perfectionist phase of writing silence does not suit me. In part, I am paranoid because I know that not everyone reading this thinks well of me, and so instead of inciting critique for whichever turn of phrase I keep silent.  We then encounter the usual “you can’t control what other people think of you” argument, which leads me quickly to the “yes but why NOT” denial, usually appended with “especially when I haven’t done anything to THEM” tantrum.

That doesn’t matter. None of it matters. What you think of me, what I think of you — in the grand and happy quilt of meaning, we’re not even stitches.  I don’t write here to be loved; I write here because I am compelled to connect through words. If our connection involves your loathing or disdain, so be it.  It is what it is, and nothing more.

And to think this all began with a lost piece of technology.

grateful for travel

// July 20th, 2008 // 6 Comments » // Life

I can hardly sit still long enough to write this entry — today FunkyPlaid and I bought our tickets for our trip to Scotland this autumn!  We will be there for just over two weeks, and it will be my first time in Scotland.  FunkyPlaid lived there while he earned his graduate degree in Scottish history, and he has been there many times, so I will have an excellent guide.  My visit to Scotland is also laced with emotional symbolism; FunkyPlaid and I spent two rollercoaster months getting to know each other before he moved to Edinburgh, and I was more than a little envious of his big adventure.  Existing in Edinburgh with him will bring that part of our history full-circle.  It will also be a litmus test to see if I can stand to live there in the future when FunkyPlaid moves back for his doctorate, although truthfully I can stick it out anywhere for a few years.

I am so grateful for the ability to and predilection for travel.  Ever since I was born, my parents instilled in me a great love of seeing new places which has only grown.  Today at a gathering of friends at the Palace of Fine Arts, someone was talking about visiting Zanzibar, and I immediately thrilled at the thought of being there someday myself.  I hope to get to see as many places on my long, long list as possible.

(This entry is part of one month of gratitude.)

london then

// February 2nd, 2007 // Comments Off // Life

I am so frustrated with my computer right now. iPhoto makes it grind to a halt, and Flickr Uploader times out before I can get a whole batch posted. The photos will have to wait, and I apologize. But now for the textual recap of my last day in London!

We left the hotel at 09:30 on Saturday and took the Tube to the London Eye, the world’s largest observation wheel. At the recommendation of my guidebook, we had purchased our tickets online the day before, and were rewarded with almost no wait in line before boarding at 10:00. The sky was clear, giving us an excellent view of the Thames, Big Ben, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, and various other parts of the city. <insert relevant photos trapped on my computer here>

Despite being hungry before we arrived at the Tate Modern, it was difficult for us to focus on anything but the slides. Apparently people show up at 09:00 to book tickets for the level 5 slide! We got our tickets for the level 3 slide and then went to the restaurant for an excellent lunch. The slide did not disappoint! I squealed the whole way down. O yes, and we saw an incredible collection of modern art.

After we finally tore ourselves away from the Tate Modern, we headed to Shakespeare’s Globe — just briefly, because the line for the tour was too long — and then walked across Millennium Bridge toward St. Paul’s Cathedral.

Around this time, the call of the pub was too great to resist, so after a short foray to St. Bartholomew the Great, we found one called The Castle. After a round or two there, we made our way on the Tube to Covent Garden to find pub food for dinner. That ended up a bit of an adventure, since we weren’t entirely diligent with our maps, instead preferring to wander. After a false start in a lame chain that ran out of extremely standard fare (no mashed potatoes? no vegetable pie?) and a lovely place that was just too crowded, we managed to find the White Lion and sat down to a nice meal with some friends.

Things go hazy for me here, because, once fed, the exhaustion of walking around for over 12 hours fully set in for me. I remember walking back to the hotel and having a nightcap with everyone before bidding them goodnight and falling into my bed.

It is impossible to see everything I want to see in London on business travel, regardless of how many times I get to go back, but I’ll sure try. I am amazed at how much we managed to see and how small a percent it was. The city is massive, beyond fathomable proportions. I’d like to take a hop-on, hop-off bus tour the next time I go, just to get some sense of where things actually are. Most of our navigating feels like a dream, a hope, a wish: let’s go here, okay, where does this line go? I don’t know! that block changes names, well, okay.

The gist is that I love traveling, and I love London, and I love my job, and to be able to combine all three loves is still a bit surreal. Now that I’m caught up, on to my next big adventure …

london thus far

// January 26th, 2007 // 4 Comments » // Life

A quiet Friday night allows me to catch up a bit on all of my usual goings-on. I haven’t missed being online all that much, to be honest, perhaps because I’m in a fantastic city with people I like. And, o yeah, I’m getting some work done, too.

The flight from SFO was nicer than I expected it to be. My boss and I flew British Airways‘ World Traveler Plus class, which I think is comparable to Economy Plus on other airlines. The seats are cushier and there is more legroom, plus there are small perks like free drinks and individual video screens. I thought I might catch up with some email replies, but between the napping and the movie-watching (the mostly-mediocre Black Dahlia) and the eating, the 10.5 hours were quite full.

We arrived at Heathrow at half-past ten in the morning GMT on Tuesday. There was a car waiting for us to take us to the hotel, complete with a driver holding up a card with my boss’ name on it. I hardly felt fancy enough for that sort of treatment, but I had no idea what was in store for us.

It took an hour and a half for us to make it into central London. The infamous congestion has not been exaggerated. I didn’t mind the length of the trip, though, because I love looking out the window at all the new sights, including the other cars on the road and their drivers. We caught a woman biting off a split end, and a man enthusiastically picking his nose. Mostly everyone looked bored, but they did it very Britishly.

As we pulled up to the hotel, I thought it must be a joke. I had looked it up online before the trip, and it seemed posh, but I had never seen anything like it. “Stately” doesn’t begin to describe its edifice. The driver took our bags out of the car and they were immediately whisked off to some sort of Luggage Room where it magically figured out where I was staying. I’m not quite sure what happened there, as right around this time the full weight of my exhaustion seeped into my brain.

We checked in to the special “club” area of the hotel, saw our rooms, and took one look at the enormous bathtubs, and decided to head down Regent Street to Lush for bath bombs. What amazes me about Londoners is that they are all doing something while walking (like texting or talking) and yet I didn’t get my feet stomped on or pushed into the road or anything. A city of walkers, that’s for sure.

My boss’ husband, who was on a different, later flight than we were, met up with us back at the hotel and we all went to dinner at Grand Bazaar, where the food was pretty good but the service was not. On the way home, we stopped at a pub for a drink, and then I was suddenly back in my hotel room, filling up the tub with hot water and Lush goodness. I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep in it.

Wednesday was a long and wonderful day. We took a taxi to the office, got our temporary badges, and found our UK counterparts on the fourth floor. After a full day of meetings and email catching-up and a lovely lunch at Cantina del Ponte, we took the Tube home. For a public transit aficionado like me, riding the Tube is like nothing else. It is marvelously complex and bizarre, and I loved learning about the different lines and stops and transfer points. After knowing Muni pretty well, being an abject newbie on a transit system is a delight. My boss was similarly excited, and we bounced and giggled all the way home.

The hotel has a separate lounge for club guests, which is well-stocked all day long with food and drink. We had cocktails there before taking the Tube to dinner, this time stumbling into Chinatown (all one block of it) and having a terrific meal at Royal Dragon. We took the Tube home and I collapsed, bathless.

Thursday was similarly busy, work-wise, and then we were treated to dinner by the UK team at an excellent African restaurant called Souk Medina. After stuffing ourselves with good food and laughing riotously, no one wanted the evening to end, so we found ourselves wandering Covent Garden in search of a club. The first one we found was packed and sort of blah, ambience-wise, so one of our coworkers led us to the Roadhouse, which is pretty much a collection of every American stereotype ever in club form. I loved it, from the bartenders who tossed glasses and bottles in the air, Cocktail-style, to the rock cover band, who opened with “Sweet Home Alabama”. It was a Night, and we went big. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, not least because of the open, friendly vibe of the place: everyone was there to have fun, and that was it. No drama, no harassment, just dancing and singing along and laughing, always laughing.

Sometime before 01:00, my boss and her husband and I managed to stumble out into the brisk air, and after a few drunken attempts to match our map to our surroundings, we hailed a pedi-cab. The driver was smaller in stature than me but still managed to bike three of us back to the hotel. Amazing.

Today was our last day in the office. For lunch, the UK team took us on an excursion to Borough Market for outstanding pork sandwiches. We strolled through the market as we ate and browsed through the stalls at all the produce, charcuterie, teas, jams and jellies. It was a perfect lunch, with everyone smiling and filling up on good food and chatting away as if we had known each other forever. It feels like we have.

I was thoroughly bereft to leave the office this evening. Everyone had made us feel so welcome, and had helped us immensely at the onset of our big project, that it was difficult to leave. I vowed to myself that I’d make it back, and soon.

I had conference calls and a little more work to do from my hotel room, so I did that and then napped briefly before meeting up with my boss for dinner. We were still exhausted from Thursday night’s outing, so we opted for room service, and had lovely Caesar salads and baked brie and chocolate mousse. And now it is time for another Lush-enhanced bath and bed, since tomorrow is our big sightseeing day before we have to leave on Sunday.

The best part of this trip has been what my company calls “team-building” (I sort of hate that word, hence the quotes), not just with the UK team, but with my boss. I have gotten to know her as a person a lot better — singing along to Red Hot Chili Peppers may have played a hand in that — and as a result I consider her a mentor as well as a friend. I also feel more myself than I have in ages, perhaps because I have felt more accepted and encouraged here than I expected to, even being a stranger, a guest, in unfamiliar surroundings.

And I love London. I love its myriad people speaking hundreds of languages; its history and architecture and streets that make no sense; its food and drink as the culmination of true cultural diversity; its Tube, solidly and tardily rumbling away beneath the hotel’s foundation, rocking me to smiling sleep. Tomorrow I will see her prettiest face, but I’ve already listened to her heart.

unromanticized

// August 6th, 2006 // 7 Comments » // Life

I am back from Seattle. I had a wonderful time. Jen was a fantastic hostess. I took some photos. I wrote many pages in my diary. It was the perfect transitional mini-vacation.

Except for the train.

You see, I have this tendency to romanticize things, not everything, mind you, but quite a few things, and I’ve learned not to do it too much with people these days but I still do it with concepts, like, let’s say, a trip up the coast on a train.

In my diary, I decided to illuminate my train travel tips for everyone:

  1. Bring earplugs, because there are a hundred ill-behaved, ugly little children whose parents sugar them up at all hours and then let them loose.
  2. Bring a blanket or extra layer of clothing, because the train is kept at a frigid 60 degrees.
  3. Bring your own food, because all of the prepared food sucks, especially the breakfast egg dishes which are frozen and then reheated, then served in their very own egg pee (descriptive phrase courtesy of the MSG).
  4. Bring noise-cancelling headphones, because of #1, and because your earbuds will hurt your ears after more than an hour or two of iPod-listening.
  5. Don’t take the train.

It wasn’t that I spent longer on the train than I did in Seattle, although that was a bit of a bummer when I thought about it. It was that the train itself was such an unpleasant, smelly, seedy experience that I almost regretted taking it. I say “almost” because it taught me a valuable lesson about romanticizing things like train trips.

I was mostly disappointed that Amtrak is so crappy now, compared to the Amtrak of my younger days, when I used to take it several times a year between the Midwest and the East Coast. It was rarely late, and if it was, it was a matter of minutes, not hours. On the way to Seattle, we were delayed 9 hours in total; on the way back, 5.

There were bright spots. There were the three guys from Taiwan I had lunch with on the way to Seattle who, when we exchanged email addresses, would write their names on a piece of paper they then headed with “Guys From Taiwan”. There were the three older women from Indianapolis I had dinner with on the way back who called each other horrible, wonderful names and cackled with laughter so that the rest of the dining-car passengers turned around to stare at us. There was the scenery, miles and hours of it, and the low chunk-chunk of the train on its borrowed tracks.

However the train was, Seattle did not disappoint. I’m glad I had enough time to catch up with Jen yet still strike out on my own. I got to see the Japanese gardens and a few branches of the public library and Pike Place Market and I had dinner with Stephanie and Jodawi. And I was only a little bad; a Visconti Van Gogh Midi fountain pen just happened to come home with me. hee!

So though I’ll go back to Seattle in a heartbeat, I won’t be taking the train. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go freak out about my first day of my new job, which is tomorrow!

unexpectedly ready

// July 31st, 2006 // 3 Comments » // Life

Well, this is strange. I seem to be ready to go on a trip to Seattle.

I thought for sure my new Moleskine journal wouldn’t arrive in time for me to bring it with me, but it did. Ditto for the pocket tripod. And just when I forgot I ordered new scents from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, they arrived, too.

Zen is in Inkbot’s capable hands, my car is in the MSG’s, I’ve packed and paid my bills and charged my camera and charged my phone and charged my iPod and even managed to get my printer working again so I could print out trip information.

So, yeah: Jen, Stephanie, Brian, and Bryan, I’ll see you soon! Everyone else, I’ll see you Saturday!

roiling and sweating

// July 23rd, 2006 // 4 Comments » // Life

One week from tomorrow: Seattle! Well, really, boarding the train to Seattle. It’s a 23-hour ride. But hooray, I have train tickets and crash space and preliminary sightseeing plans! I also have maps and exclamation points!

Two weeks from tomorrow, my new job begins. I remember when I was a kid that about this time of the year my mom would take me shopping for school supplies. I remember cracking open that first notebook, uncapping that first pen, writing that first metadata on the blank page, ahh! I wonder if I’ll get that excited about my new coworkers, my new cube, my new business cards, my new bus pass … yeah, it’s me we’re talking about. I’ll get that excited.

The MSG mentioned something I hadn’t thought about while we were talking about my trip. He said, “How often do you get to go away on vacation and not worry about what’s piling up for you at work?” Great point! I fully intend to embrace the limbo that is the full-stop between Librarying and Webbifying.

In anticipation of this change, I have been having some funky dreams lately. Of course I’ve had the dreams that feature the library in some danger. Those were to be expected. But in another dream, I went to Hawaii to hand-deliver an “I’m sorry” quiche to a friend of mine, but I’m not sure what I was sorry about or how a quiche makes it better. Also, I dreamed about an ex and his current partner having a baby, which was bizarre enough, but some of my cousins were excited enough about it to throw them a baby shower. Um. Okay.

So my subconscious is roiling; that’s good. That means I’m attempting to process stuff. I just wish I had a big Fast-Forward button for the dream part.

And because no current post would be complete without mentioning the weather: I do not understand why I won’t just sweat, why my skin is stuck in this shivery pre-sweat phase. It’s like having goosebumps, only for heat. Sweating would be an improvement right now, and I can’t believe I just typed that.

choo choo

// July 14th, 2006 // 4 Comments » // Life

If wanting to take a 24-hour train ride up the coast during my time between jobs is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

The week I’m thinking of is 31 July through 4 August. I don’t know if I can make it all the way to Vancouver, but Seattle seems probable. Do any Seattle residents have recommendations for modest accommodations in the city? I want to do this all on public transportation, so it’s got to be central, and preferably close to the new public library.

Update: dear Seattle residents, can you tell me about the neighborhood the Amtrak station, located at 303 South Jackson Street, is in?  Pointing me to a map with neighborhood information on it would be good.  Telling me which neighborhoods to definitely avoid would be even better.