How to Date a Pisces

Someone on del.icio.us — which I am terribly addicted to — linked to ehow.com: Clear Instructions on How To Do (just about) Everything, so I went to look and saw the category Family and Relationships. Of course I had to click “How to Date a Pisces” … and this is what it said (my comments are in parentheses):

1. Give the Pisces personal gifts. It’s not the gift that impresses a Pisces, it’s what’s inside the giver.

(Like intestines. And a spleen. Give the gift of your organs.)

2. Try not to feel slighted when your date acts as if she loves everyone. It’s not really true, but because Pisces are the lovers of the universe, it’s their nature.

(Also, try not to feel slighted when your date acts as if she hates JUST YOU IN PARTICULAR. It’s not really true, but because Pisceans are moody bastards, it’s their nature.)

3. Be loving and understanding – that’s what the Pisces craves most of all. Like all water signs, they’re more sensitive than they let on.

(What do you mean, I’m more sensitive than I let on? How could you be so mean? *weeping*)

4. Invite your Pisces to a Buddhist meditation gathering, especially if it’s held on the beach or in an open meadow. They need a healthy outlet for their rich imaginations.

(Read: They are CRAZY and so you should drop them off in the middle of nowhere and RUN LIKE HELL.)

5. Go to the movies or the theater. Pisces love fantasies!

(… and bring a box of Kleenex or five.)

6. Be direct and clear with your Pisces when imparting important information. They are highly intuitive but can get easily confused.

(Flowcharts are helpful. They can sometimes get distracte– hey, SHINY THING OVER THERE)

The MSG was amused. So I read “How to Date a Leo” next. Boy, was that inaccurate! All this mumbo-jumbo about “respect” and “recognition” and “generosity”. The only tip that approached accuracy was: “Throw a dinner party in your Leo’s honor.” Too bad they left off the “but let him cook” part.