Day 138 of Project 365: Internal Monologue

One thing and one thing only will improve my running: the ritual disembowelment of my internal monologue.

This should improve the rest of my life, too, but running is what I am least confident about right now. While I run, I am constantly judging how fast (or not) I am going, my running form, even where I am running on the path in relation to other runners. And today I read about the Barkley Marathons and thought, “I’ll never be able to run something like that.”

At this rate, I won’t even be able to keep running, let alone complete a marathon.

The saddest part is that I was too busy picking myself apart to enjoy being out in this lovely setting.

Day 138 of Project 365: Internal Monologue

How do you quiet your internal monologue?

5 thoughts on “Day 138 of Project 365: Internal Monologue

  1. Cyg, I highly recommend The Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer, the book I mention on the Team Monkey site. Whether you are training for a 5k, a full marathon or a 100-miler, it really takes a hard look at where you need to be psychologically in order to run successfully. I know that giving up those details (and the often unintentional judgment/negative or competitive focus that goes with them) is incredibly hard for a lot of people (as it has been for several monkeys)… but well, you know how I feel on this subject so I’ll shut up. I’m here if you ever want to talk running. And the Team Monkey FAQ is online if you want to read it — it is built on the foundation of that book and if it can be of any help, please take advantage of it! Sending positive thoughts your way… 


    1. Thank you, dear. It’s not even a stats thing (I know how you feel about stats) — it’s an entire persona thing. The whole “who am I to think I can become a good runner” and then the whole dissection of what “good” means … ad infinitum. I’m sure you understand. I will look for that book in the library. Ta, friend.


      1. I actually enjoy stats! But until you actually become a confident runner I don’t think they’re of much use, especially in a team setting where competition is the last thing you want, etc. But anyway, I hope you can get to a place where just being out there is a positive thing and your internal monologue is working for you, not against you. I respect the hell out of you and think you’re a quiet powerhouse of talent and potential. It always shocks me when you talk about self-doubt and picking yourself apart, not gonna lie. You’re awesome. Remember it. 🙂


  2. Yup, it’s hard to escape your own thoughts when it’s just you and the open road. For a long time I would listen to podcasts as I run, and time my runs to their duration. Latterly I have found I prefer the sound of my environment. I think this comes from confidence which only comes with experience. I’ve been running regularly for two years now and although I think it is likely I will run a marathon one day, I am not even thinking about such distances yet. I would not worry about other runners. We are all at different levels, but mutual respect is an almost universal trait. You have clearly been making progress, run with it!


    1. That’s something I think I will write down in my journal: “mutual respect is an almost universal trait.” I forget that whilst wading through the morass of my self-judgment. Thank you.


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