Day 138 of Project 365: Internal Monologue

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One thing and one thing only will improve my running: the ritual disembowelment of my internal monologue.

This should improve the rest of my life, too, but running is what I am least confident about right now. While I run, I am constantly judging how fast (or not) I am going, my running form, even where I am running on the path in relation to other runners. And today I read about the Barkley Marathons and thought, “I’ll never be able to run something like that.”

At this rate, I won’t even be able to keep running, let alone complete a marathon.

The saddest part is that I was too busy picking myself apart to enjoy being out in this lovely setting.

Day 138 of Project 365: Internal Monologue

How do you quiet your internal monologue?

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5 thoughts on “Day 138 of Project 365: Internal Monologue

  1. Mako

    Cyg, I highly recommend The Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer, the book I mention on the Team Monkey site. Whether you are training for a 5k, a full marathon or a 100-miler, it really takes a hard look at where you need to be psychologically in order to run successfully. I know that giving up those details (and the often unintentional judgment/negative or competitive focus that goes with them) is incredibly hard for a lot of people (as it has been for several monkeys)… but well, you know how I feel on this subject so I’ll shut up. I’m here if you ever want to talk running. And the Team Monkey FAQ is online if you want to read it — it is built on the foundation of that book and if it can be of any help, please take advantage of it! Sending positive thoughts your way… 

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    • Thank you, dear. It’s not even a stats thing (I know how you feel about stats) — it’s an entire persona thing. The whole “who am I to think I can become a good runner” and then the whole dissection of what “good” means … ad infinitum. I’m sure you understand. I will look for that book in the library. Ta, friend.

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      • Mako

        I actually enjoy stats! But until you actually become a confident runner I don’t think they’re of much use, especially in a team setting where competition is the last thing you want, etc. But anyway, I hope you can get to a place where just being out there is a positive thing and your internal monologue is working for you, not against you. I respect the hell out of you and think you’re a quiet powerhouse of talent and potential. It always shocks me when you talk about self-doubt and picking yourself apart, not gonna lie. You’re awesome. Remember it. 🙂

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  2. Kieran

    Yup, it’s hard to escape your own thoughts when it’s just you and the open road. For a long time I would listen to podcasts as I run, and time my runs to their duration. Latterly I have found I prefer the sound of my environment. I think this comes from confidence which only comes with experience. I’ve been running regularly for two years now and although I think it is likely I will run a marathon one day, I am not even thinking about such distances yet. I would not worry about other runners. We are all at different levels, but mutual respect is an almost universal trait. You have clearly been making progress, run with it!

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    • That’s something I think I will write down in my journal: “mutual respect is an almost universal trait.” I forget that whilst wading through the morass of my self-judgment. Thank you.

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