Day 181 of Project 365: One Week Ago

It is hard to believe that just a week ago FunkyPlaid and I were frantic over the sudden seizure that came over our dear Torgi (left). Since then, we have kept a close eye on him … too close, sometimes, as he wriggles free of my grasp with his version of an eyeroll, daintily-smacked lips.

I can’t help it. I catch myself believing that if we just hug and kiss him enough, our fondness for him will form a type of armour that nothing, not even the natural progression of age, can penetrate. It is this belief, seeped in Roman Catholicism and superstition, that permeated my childhood: if I am just good enough, no one I love will come to harm. I will not come to harm.

Adolescence was difficult for me, as it tore down this belief and shredded it. Bad things happened to people I loved and bad things happened to me, despite my behaviour. I was a smart child but so naive, dragging the remnants of belief from sinking ship to sinking ship. Sometimes I still do.

Sometimes I humour myself.

2 thoughts on “Day 181 of Project 365: One Week Ago

  1. We all  humour ourselves, as well as the ones we love.  I think it’s because we all know the sudden, unending emptiness  that loss can bring.  As much as we want to spare others the depth of this loss, we want to spare ourselves that feeling even more.

    But we can’t. 

    The best we can do is love those around us as well, as strongly as we can and do our best to kiss away the eyerolls.


    — Tom


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