The miracle of sweatpants.

My red fleece sweatpants are evil. Wearing them is basically the antidote to any productivity I might muster. As soon as I changed from sweatpants to proper grownup clothing today, I got a ton of stuff done. But listening to Patton Oswalt talking about the miracle of sweatpants made me laugh a lot.

Today I am having a day of expat feelings, so I am going to talk about something I love about living in Scotland and something that annoys me.

I love hearing SSE (Scottish Standard English) every day. In fact, I have done tireless (read: not tireless) research to bring to you the absolute best (read: or just really good) sentence to hear in SSE: “Will you tell the girls about the murder rate of squirrels in third-world countries?” I also love hearing the following words: dreich, guddle, drouthy, numpty, outwith. I hope I didn’t offend anyone by writing this. At least I didn’t say …

Haggis. I am vastly annoyed by the punchline to jokes from non-Scots being, “Haggis!” And I love haggis, so it’s not like I object on culinary grounds. It’s just such a lazy joke, like responding to anything Italian by saying, “Spaghetti with meatballs!”

Hm, now I’m hungry.

Haggis, neeps & tatties @ The Scotch Malt Whisky Society (Leith)
Haggis, neeps, and tatties. Delicious.

Writing from: bed, one electric blanket, two kitties. Listening to: Patton Oswalt.

Published by Halsted M. Bernard

An ever-molting black swan. Reader, writer, library director, over-enunciator. Listening + Unlearning. Opinions are my own. She/her. #BlackLivesMatter

5 thoughts on “The miracle of sweatpants.

      • dreich: relating to weather, miserable and overcast and/or rainy (I think rain is usually involved).
      • guddle: muddle or confusion.
      • drouthy: thirsty.
      • numpty: witless person.
      • outwith: outside of.
  1. “Numpty” sounds like a great word FOR delicious. Like, DAMN that haggis lookin numpty as hell!

  2. Rain doesn’t have to be involved in dreichness, but it often is. See also ‘it’s gey dreich’ (it’s very dreich) – dreich and gey dreich covering on average 332 days in each year as descriptive terms for the Scottish Lowlands. Okay, I made that up.

    Cygnoir, you’re a constant source of inspiration. I may stick up on Freesound samples of ‘Will you tell the girls about the murder rate of squirrels in third-world countries?’ just for you. In fact, having got a book on regional British accents for my Xmas, I might try it in some different Scots accents, although my Aberdonian’s a bit rusty.

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