The miracle of sweatpants.

My red fleece sweatpants are evil. Wearing them is basically the antidote to any productivity I might muster. As soon as I changed from sweatpants to proper grownup clothing today, I got a ton of stuff done. But listening to Patton Oswalt talking about the miracle of sweatpants made me laugh a lot.

Today I am having a day of expat feelings, so I am going to talk about something I love about living in Scotland and something that annoys me.

I love hearing SSE (Scottish Standard English) every day. In fact, I have done tireless (read: not tireless) research to bring to you the absolute best (read: or just really good) sentence to hear in SSE: “Will you tell the girls about the murder rate of squirrels in third-world countries?” I also love hearing the following words: dreich, guddle, drouthy, numpty, outwith. I hope I didn’t offend anyone by writing this. At least I didn’t say …

Haggis. I am vastly annoyed by the punchline to jokes from non-Scots being, “Haggis!” And I love haggis, so it’s not like I object on culinary grounds. It’s just such a lazy joke, like responding to anything Italian by saying, “Spaghetti with meatballs!”

Hm, now I’m hungry.

Haggis, neeps & tatties @ The Scotch Malt Whisky Society (Leith)
Haggis, neeps, and tatties. Delicious.

Writing from: bed, one electric blanket, two kitties. Listening to: Patton Oswalt.

5 thoughts on “The miracle of sweatpants.

      • dreich: relating to weather, miserable and overcast and/or rainy (I think rain is usually involved).
      • guddle: muddle or confusion.
      • drouthy: thirsty.
      • numpty: witless person.
      • outwith: outside of.


  1. Rain doesn’t have to be involved in dreichness, but it often is. See also ‘it’s gey dreich’ (it’s very dreich) – dreich and gey dreich covering on average 332 days in each year as descriptive terms for the Scottish Lowlands. Okay, I made that up.

    Cygnoir, you’re a constant source of inspiration. I may stick up on Freesound samples of ‘Will you tell the girls about the murder rate of squirrels in third-world countries?’ just for you. In fact, having got a book on regional British accents for my Xmas, I might try it in some different Scots accents, although my Aberdonian’s a bit rusty.


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