For me, it’s not elation, but relief. Not pride in voting, but gratitude for the grassroots activists who fought so others could vote. Not rest, but resolve for harder work until “for liberty and justice for all” is real.

When I’m feeling overworked, anxious about the upcoming election, and enraged about the lack of federal leadership during a pandemic, I like to start a 50,000-word writing project. 😱 #NaNoWriMo

Earlier today I talked myself out of buying a Hobonichi Weeks planner with a cover from Shaun Tan’s “The Arrival”. It was a close call; I love the graphic novel so much.

Yesterday my aunt died of COVID-19. I’m not sharing this for sympathy; I’m sharing this because people are still prioritizing their convenience and comfort over others’ lives. I am begging you to take this seriously. #WearAMask

Criminy hopes you are finding a bit of calm today.

Criminy the tabby kitten looks at the camera.

I don’t know how I feel about algorithm-powered soundscape app Endel. 🎧 Listening to its “Relax” mode helped me breathe through a panic attack earlier this week. But the “Focus” mode makes my brain itchy. #ADayInTheLife photo challenge! I enjoy because without the use of “likes” I push myself to interact more.

📷 my analog workspace 📍 Portland, OR, USA 🕚 19:20 PDT

photo of a leather notebook cover, a Passion Planner, and four fountain pens

Had a dream last night that I was sorting through a giant box of adapters, looking for just the right one that would allow me to continue working. 🙄 Why is my subconscious such a hack?

One year ago today. 💔 I still miss you so much, Zenny.

Cygnoir holding her beloved tortoiseshell cat, Zen, who died one year ago today.

Hey, Micronauts: Is there a way to embed an RSS feed in a site?

Currently reading: Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman 📚

Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful – Tara Haelle

How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the ‘new normal’ is indefinite uncertainty?

“In periods of recovery or extreme vulnerability, one may temporarily disappear as a means of self-protection.” Amethyst from I forget where. The skies clearing, then we hear news of RBG.

Card that reads Invisibility Mode and has a blank space.

Update from Portland: AQI still at Hazardous level. Haven’t been outside in a week. About to start another remote workday. Hoping for better air soon.

Screenshot of weather app showing Hazardous AQI

House smells like a campfire. (But no one made us s’mores; I checked.) Throats are scratchy. Kittens are unbothered.

Screenshot of weather app showing AQI of 332 (hazardous).

Failed to focus. S’okay; blurry is how I feel today.

Blurry photo of a dry brown field surrounded by trees and a yellow sky.

After mere moments outside trying to capture the wildfire skies I was left with a feeling that has not subsided. Not really emotions, more a state of the body: ready for flight while shocked into stasis.

Pale orange sky due to Oregon wildfires

“This is not a dream, but you still need to wake up.” Labradorite heart from The Raven’s Wing Magical Co. Portland.

This Is Not a Dream card with a labradorite heart.

Check to Self: a card from the Postcards from the Liminal Space deck. Pictured with a raw opal, a treasure from a friend.

A card from the Postcards from the Liminal Space deck.

Change, a poem set to music

“Change” is a poem I wrote about my experience in parochial school, all guilt and God and bad kissers. I chose a fixed form, the sestina, for this poem because of the themes of restriction and obligation. Also, fixed forms are fun.

Some time ago, my friend Gav recorded me reading the poem, then scored it, and I loved the result! It took me a while to share it because I feel tenderly protective about that past self. I hope you enjoy it.

cygnoir · Halsted M. Bernard with Gavin Inglis - Change

New lounging spot for the Bottlebrush Brothers.

Tabby kittens in a window.

Today I am grateful for stable internet, which I took for granted in the before-times. Working from home is frustrating without it! I am looking forward to reading for pleasure tomorrow after work. I don’t do enough of that these days.

Seen on our walk today.

Lawn sign that reads OMG Make It Stop 2020

Good morning, Criminy!

Today I am grateful for @FunkyPlaid, who cheers me up and makes space for my sadness too. I’m looking forward to getting out of the house tomorrow, even just for a walk.

An IndieWeb Webring 🕸💍

I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.