Sometimes you sit at home in a world that only exists in a collective imagination.
Sometimes you go out into the real world and inhabit what a joyful fever-dream of a Kevin Costner-obsessed, seven-foot-tall clown who will never speak, only sing and grunt and command people to eat cupcakes while he sings “Under Pressure” at them.
Sometimes you are at work and an echo of your past heart walks in as your throat closes and you half-kneel, half-crouch, bargaining with time so maybe this moment could last a little longer than it surely will, bargaining with your shoddy memory which deftly picks exactly now to tell you that this isn’t your beloved but rather someone else’s beloved and can’t you see that all the details are wrong and it doesn’t matter but you won’t cry, no you won’t, not at work, not at a new job, and so you make all of your adult body stand up and smile and walk away.
And the rest of the week? You simply take pictures of the things that fill up other spaces in your brain, colors and shapes in pleasant arrangements, nothing too dangerous, nothing too bizarre: myriad mundanities that somehow add up to a life.
Work today was rather instructive: I researched a plant that grows outside the library which turned out to be Solanum dulcamara, also known as bittersweet nightshade. It isn’t as toxic as deadly nightshade, but still isn’t anything you want to be snacking on in a parking lot.
Pretty, though, isn’t it?
Writing from: my non-toxic study in Portland. Listening to: so much “Prison Break”. It’s over soon, and I’m glad; Season 4 consists mainly of gratuitous vengeance interspersed with structural engineering puzzles. Only not as exciting as I just described it.
It’s funny, the halfway brain that sprouts from sleep deprivation. I wake up at 05:30 but really I wake up on the bus in downtown Portland, trying to remember if I did basic things like dress myself and feed myself and not leave the front door wide open.
So far, I’m doing pretty well. (But let’s not jinx it.)
Many photos to catch up on! Nineteen, in fact. I may have a little bit of a preoccupation with flowers. To be fair, this city blooms gratuitously. And now ripe apples and plums are falling off the trees, sometimes knocking me in the head like a physics lesson.
Day 189 of Project 365: Daisydrops.
Day 190 of Project 365: On the road.
Day 191 of Project 365: Poppy up.
Day 192 of Project 365: Rosa.
Day 193 of Project 365: Foiled kitty.
Day 194 of Project 365: Biting the Bullet Journal.
Day 195 of Project 365: Hi, stranger.
Day 196 of Project 365: Requisite Prisma Selfie.
Day 197 of Project 365: Queen Anne’s Lace.
Day 198 of Project 365: Curly cat.
Day 199 of Project 365: OK Pokemon Go.
Day 200 of Project 365: Sparkly treat.
Day 201 of Project 365: Evening commute.
Day 202 of Project 365: Cousin George.
Day 203 of Project 365: Beaverton.
Day 204 of Project 365: Out of service.
Day 205 of Project 365: Anticipation.
Day 206 of Project 365: Daybed.
Day 207 of Project 365: One big orchard.
I’m still in love with my new job, but it is mentally and socially intense. Most evenings I come home and barely have enough energy to eat dinner. While my in-laws were in town, we managed a little weekend escape to Forest Grove, which I needed desperately.
Zen now reliably wakes me up with mournful howling before my alarm goes off. While FunkyPlaid is out of town I have taken to sleeping in my study downstairs so I can soothe her faster.
I tried to switch back to an electronic task list but my Bullet Journal is just too good.
I dealt with my mobile service woes, including a factory reset of my iPhone which sucked up a day and a half, one of those being a weekend day I was rather cranky to sacrifice at the altar of the capricious technology gods.
And I bought body lotion. Big deal, right? Well, it is my favorite, and I had been holding off on buying some until I had my own income again. It became a bit of a symbol, this body lotion, and I relished the anticipation.
O yeah, and I tried Pokémon Go! I am entertained by it but perhaps not as much as actual Pokémon fans or at least people who like wandering around with their phones out. Since the library is a Pokémon Gym, I regularly witness Pokémon Go players bumping into things. I try not to laugh.
Time for bed. Tonight I will rest well, being all caught up with my project. Well, for a few hours. Then Zen will start to sing …
Writing from: my study. Listening to: some episode of “Prison Break” I’m not really watching.
I did a foolish thing today: I ate a granola bar that had a gluten-containing ingredient I did not catch while I was reading the packaging in the store. I got pretty sick, but since I only ingested a little gluten, I should be fully recovered by tomorrow evening. Work was rough.
Tonight FunkyPlaid and I took a walk to the market and it helped me feel better, both physically and emotionally. And then we bought granola bars that are clearly marked gluten-free.
I love walking around Portland. This time of year, the city is one big garden, flowers and veggies alike. These are growing right out onto our neighbor’s sidewalk!
Writing from: my study. Listening to: my guts churning. Ugh.
Howdy, strangers! I forgot (again) how quickly these pile up when I run out of energy before I can post them each day. I will have to figure out another schedule. But here are some glimpses of the past week or so, plus a throwback photo my mom sent because last Wednesday I fell asleep before remembering to take a picture.
Day 176 of Project 365: Revamping the to-do list.
Day 177 of Project 365: To read.
Day 178 of Project 365: At the nursery.
Day 179 of Project 365: Tofu curry.
Day 180 of Project 365: Free ride.
Day 181 of Project 365: Back in time.
Day 182 of Project 365: Ripped.
Day 183 of Project 365: Works best.
Pretty much every workday starts out great and ends up with me being the tiredest person to ever tire. Weekends are spent catching up, and by “catching up” I mean “sitting quietly and not talking for hours at a time.” Ah, introversion.
Getting into better physical shape will help with the exhaustion, at least, so I will have to start psyching myself up to work out in the evenings because I don’t see myself waking up at 5am to do it. I mean, I can see myself waking up at 5am. Then I can see myself gleefully flinging the alarm clock across the room and sleeping another 12 hours.
Now I’m off to read “Broken Monsters” by Lauren Beukes which is super-creepy and not at all appropriate bedtime reading. Walking on the wild side over here. Try and keep up.
Writing from: my messy study. Listening to: “Slip” by Elliot Moss.